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Many of you know that I adopted my eight-year-old daughter Emma out of foster care in May of 2017 when she was six after fostering her for 11 months. If you have been in contact with me throughout the past three months, you also know that my life has been flipped upside down due to Emma’s mental illnesses and extensive trauma
Emma’s birth parents (DNA donors) severely physically, emotionally, and sexually abused her from birth until she was five years old and finally removed from those monsters. Emma was used as a sex toy so that her DNA donors could score drugs, and they even allowed a sex offender live with them and abuse her daily. Emma was surrounded by domestic violence, her dad tried to drown her when she was four, she had guns held to her head, and she was forced to be part of orgies starting at the age of two. Unfortunately, I could go on and on about the terror she was forced to endure at the hands of her so-called parents. Her case worker said it was the worst case of abuse and trauma she had ever seen. Not surprisingly, Emma has severe PTSD, and as if that is not enough, she also has ADHD, OCD, PANDAS, and bipolar disorder (yes, even at 8 years old). Horrendous genes to say the least.
I have had Emma in weekly trauma counseling ever since I had her in foster care, and I knew she would always have issues due to the extent of her abuse. Did I mention that when she was four, her male DNA donor took her outside to a picnic table and completely shaved her head because she did not clean up her toys to his satisfaction? I digress. I knew Emma would have a bumpy road, but I never imagined the ride would be this horrendous.
Emma’s counselors and psychiatrists have explained that at her age, it is developmentally common for kids like her to re-process their abuse, which Emma started doing in October. Emma is trying to understand what happened to her, and because she is growing up and maturing, she is able to process the abuse more deeply than she could even one or two years ago. The problem? She is completely overwhelmed by her emotions and the severity of what she endured for five long years. Therefore, as she processes what happened to her, she does not feel safe, her brain goes into fight or flight mode, and she is completely dissociating.
When this happens, she is becoming extremely aggressive and violent because her brain transports her back to the thousands of instances of abuse she endured. She blacks out and tries to protect herself from her DNA donors by screaming, kicking, and hitting. During these times, she is not lucid and has no idea where she is or what is happening. All she knows is that she has to protect herself from them. These periods of dissociation have continued to increase and have affected every aspect of her life: at home, at school, at dance, etc. In fact, during one of her episodes, she picked up a TV to throw (at her birth parents) during her hallucination. I deflected said TV with my hand to prevent it from hitting Caroline and me, and I ended up severely breaking my hand and having to have surgery to have pins placed. Since November, Emma has been taken to the emergency room nine times, and she has been in-patient in five different psych units both in and out of the Toledo area. I could easily write a book about the horrors of navigating the mental healthcare system with a child, but I will save that for another day.
As Emma’s mental health continued to rapidly decline, she became a safety risk both to herself as well as to her 20-month old adopted sister (Caroline) and me. After consulting with more psychiatrists and trauma counselors than I care to mention, I was left with no choice but to place her in a residential treatment facility so that she can get the intensive treatment that she both needs and deserves.
On Tuesday, January 7, Emma began treatment at a residential facility 2.5 hours from Toledo. The therapists at the facility are confident that they can help Emma overcome her trauma by helping her process her overwhelming emotions and helping her develop healthy coping skills to deal with her trauma. As part of her treatment program, she is able to participate in art, music, and equine therapy each week. She absolutely loves horses, which was a major selling point for her.
The program in which she is enrolled is 6-9 months. As you can imagine, it is very difficult on my family and me to not have Emma home. Caroline is incredibly confused, as she has no idea where her sister is and why she seemingly disappeared. As much as we all miss her, it is certainly comforting to know that she is safe and in excellent hands.
Emma is on Medicaid since she is adopted, and Medicaid only covers the therapy portion of her treatment. Emma does qualify for PASSS (post adoption special services subsidy) funding from Lucas County. If the county accepts my application, they will grant us enough money to cover 1-1.5 months of room and board—for a 6-9-month program. Thus, parents/guardians in my situation either have to figure out the financing, or their child cannot complete the program, and their mental illnesses continue to spiral. Talk about overwhelming!
After all PASSS funds are exhausted, Emma’s room and board will be $50 per day. As a single mom who also pays for Caroline’s full-time child care with no help, I am unable to afford all of Emma’s room and board in order for her to complete the program. Therefore, I had to swallow my pride and do what is best for my daughter. I am asking for financial assistance. I want to do everything I can to allow my broken little girl to heal so that she can come home and be able to get back to school, Girl Scouts, dance, cheerleading, and everything that she enjoyed before her PTSD consumed all facets of her life.
Any financial help that you can provide to offset the cost of Emma’s program is so very appreciated. I believe the completion of this program will be life-changing for Emma and will allow her to go back to being a happy, outgoing little girl with the confidence to navigate any obstacle that stands in her way. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your generosity!
Emma’s birth parents (DNA donors) severely physically, emotionally, and sexually abused her from birth until she was five years old and finally removed from those monsters. Emma was used as a sex toy so that her DNA donors could score drugs, and they even allowed a sex offender live with them and abuse her daily. Emma was surrounded by domestic violence, her dad tried to drown her when she was four, she had guns held to her head, and she was forced to be part of orgies starting at the age of two. Unfortunately, I could go on and on about the terror she was forced to endure at the hands of her so-called parents. Her case worker said it was the worst case of abuse and trauma she had ever seen. Not surprisingly, Emma has severe PTSD, and as if that is not enough, she also has ADHD, OCD, PANDAS, and bipolar disorder (yes, even at 8 years old). Horrendous genes to say the least.
I have had Emma in weekly trauma counseling ever since I had her in foster care, and I knew she would always have issues due to the extent of her abuse. Did I mention that when she was four, her male DNA donor took her outside to a picnic table and completely shaved her head because she did not clean up her toys to his satisfaction? I digress. I knew Emma would have a bumpy road, but I never imagined the ride would be this horrendous.
Emma’s counselors and psychiatrists have explained that at her age, it is developmentally common for kids like her to re-process their abuse, which Emma started doing in October. Emma is trying to understand what happened to her, and because she is growing up and maturing, she is able to process the abuse more deeply than she could even one or two years ago. The problem? She is completely overwhelmed by her emotions and the severity of what she endured for five long years. Therefore, as she processes what happened to her, she does not feel safe, her brain goes into fight or flight mode, and she is completely dissociating.
When this happens, she is becoming extremely aggressive and violent because her brain transports her back to the thousands of instances of abuse she endured. She blacks out and tries to protect herself from her DNA donors by screaming, kicking, and hitting. During these times, she is not lucid and has no idea where she is or what is happening. All she knows is that she has to protect herself from them. These periods of dissociation have continued to increase and have affected every aspect of her life: at home, at school, at dance, etc. In fact, during one of her episodes, she picked up a TV to throw (at her birth parents) during her hallucination. I deflected said TV with my hand to prevent it from hitting Caroline and me, and I ended up severely breaking my hand and having to have surgery to have pins placed. Since November, Emma has been taken to the emergency room nine times, and she has been in-patient in five different psych units both in and out of the Toledo area. I could easily write a book about the horrors of navigating the mental healthcare system with a child, but I will save that for another day.
As Emma’s mental health continued to rapidly decline, she became a safety risk both to herself as well as to her 20-month old adopted sister (Caroline) and me. After consulting with more psychiatrists and trauma counselors than I care to mention, I was left with no choice but to place her in a residential treatment facility so that she can get the intensive treatment that she both needs and deserves.
On Tuesday, January 7, Emma began treatment at a residential facility 2.5 hours from Toledo. The therapists at the facility are confident that they can help Emma overcome her trauma by helping her process her overwhelming emotions and helping her develop healthy coping skills to deal with her trauma. As part of her treatment program, she is able to participate in art, music, and equine therapy each week. She absolutely loves horses, which was a major selling point for her.
The program in which she is enrolled is 6-9 months. As you can imagine, it is very difficult on my family and me to not have Emma home. Caroline is incredibly confused, as she has no idea where her sister is and why she seemingly disappeared. As much as we all miss her, it is certainly comforting to know that she is safe and in excellent hands.
Emma is on Medicaid since she is adopted, and Medicaid only covers the therapy portion of her treatment. Emma does qualify for PASSS (post adoption special services subsidy) funding from Lucas County. If the county accepts my application, they will grant us enough money to cover 1-1.5 months of room and board—for a 6-9-month program. Thus, parents/guardians in my situation either have to figure out the financing, or their child cannot complete the program, and their mental illnesses continue to spiral. Talk about overwhelming!
After all PASSS funds are exhausted, Emma’s room and board will be $50 per day. As a single mom who also pays for Caroline’s full-time child care with no help, I am unable to afford all of Emma’s room and board in order for her to complete the program. Therefore, I had to swallow my pride and do what is best for my daughter. I am asking for financial assistance. I want to do everything I can to allow my broken little girl to heal so that she can come home and be able to get back to school, Girl Scouts, dance, cheerleading, and everything that she enjoyed before her PTSD consumed all facets of her life.
Any financial help that you can provide to offset the cost of Emma’s program is so very appreciated. I believe the completion of this program will be life-changing for Emma and will allow her to go back to being a happy, outgoing little girl with the confidence to navigate any obstacle that stands in her way. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your generosity!