help me get the treatment I need

So this all very personal and hard to talk about but this is my absolute last resort so here it goes. My name is Sarah and I have been battling mental illness the majority of my life, and in the past five years it has only gotten worse. I battle with a multitude of illnesses, that make each day a huge fight and honestly I just feel like I'm surviving not living. In regards to some recent events, my team here is recommending a higher level of care.  They have recommended a residential hospital in Arizona that specifically treats a core diagnosis that needs to be addressed as soon as possible. With all that is going on for me, I need more support than home has to offer. My parents, they care, but they both just lost their own parents and they have already tried to help me countless times. They can't support me in the way I need because they're just emotionally unavailable, and I have been taking care of myself on my own, for some time. Recently, I have taken a downfall and I am at an extreme low in my motivation and my will to live. I know that might sound alarming or dramatic, but I 'm serious. I'm tired of fighting this fight, I'm at a loss for trying to put the pieces back together in a life I see as worthless. I have tried to just fake it and put on a face for so long but I am so tired. I could tell you about the suicide attempts and the long list of medications I have tried but it doesn't make sense for me to dredge all that up. Instead I want you to know that I am going to give this one more shot. This facility works on healing the mind and body, and for anyone that knows me personally my body is where I take out my pain, and I don't know how much more it can take.   I know most of us that battle from mental illnesses don't get or have the luxury to go into treatment, but here I am, asking for your help. I don't have the funds to cover treatment, my parents have nothing left to give, I ended myself up in the ER last week and that bill alone was 5,000 dollars. We just don't have that kind of money, we're just kind of scraping by. I can't do this without more support, and this treatment provides that for me. I hate asking for help, especially money, I don't like to show weakness, but I'm hoping and praying that this facility could possibly change my view on life and get me to a place where I can be happy to be alive. 16,700 is the out of pocket expense before insurance can cover 100% for my treatment. Please, if you have anything at all you can donate, I will be forever grateful, my friends and family will thank you. The hardest part about this whole thing, is that I know I am a good person, I love to make others laugh, and I try daily to positively impact other people's lives; my friend's always say, "Sarah why do you do that to yourself, we love you!" but the love and the people around me, they can't stop the pain inside. Every interaction is just a bit of temporary relief from the deep depression I'm in, I feel it, the pain radiates through my whole body, it's unbearable. I appreciate each and everyone of y'all's kind words and motivation, and I'm going to try and beat this. Thank you for even reading this monologue, and thank you for trying to help, I am forever grateful.
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Sarah Guthrie 
Austin, TX
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