I want to buy a trailer out West. I’ve worked my whole life and have contributed positively to society, however I have never been able to save up a chunk of money. I am in my late thirties and content with the mediocracy of my life, I could just use a change of scenery. Here is a poem I wrote when I was a kid about my childhood if you need something to pull the heart strings- It wasn’t a feeling of happiness That brought me awake Instead it was a feeling of sadness That I couldn’t seem to shake. Pictures of how Christmas should be Flash through my head As I wipe away the tears And slowly get out of bed. I don’t even bother Running to the Christmas tree Cause there is only an empty space Where the tree should be. I look out the window And see all the lights aglow And all the huge snowmen Built in the snow. But no snowmen will litter Our yard today or tomorrow The snow is smooth and pure And seems to reflect my sorrow. I tried to make myself think That my mom would actually remember But it’s just another day On the twenty-fifth of December. She lay asleep On the couch in the living room The house is cold and dark And as silent as a tomb. I tap her on the shoulder She slowly opens her eyes And I feel a sudden anger Towards her and all her lies. Where was that loving feeling That Christmas was supposed to bring When smiles light up faces And the angels begin to sing. But I push all these thoughts away And stand to turn on the light No signs of Christmas Anywhere in sight. I give her her gift Wrapped in silver and gray I had walked the streets looking for change Just so I could pay. She smiles and unwraps the gift Throwing the paper on the floor We didn’t even have a trashcan Because we were so poor. I would receive no presents This I could see She used all her money on drugs And none was left for me. So I go and sit in the corner Where the Christmas tree should have been And think of all the good Christmases Before the drugs, way back when.
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