Hoping for help with saving my life

This is something I never do, ask for help. I can't see any way out. I am 31 and have suffered depression as long as I can remember. I was raised sheltered with no direction or discipline, my mother would make excuses for me so I didn't even have to go to school, I didn't graduate. I was raised with no way of knowing how to live or take care of myself and at 18 I got into a controlling emotionally abusive relationship and have remained in this relationship for 13 years and have been broken down to nothing I have suffered through addiction and suicide attempts. I am completely dependent and have felt lost for so long and no one in my life cares if I'm hurting. I have been in counseling and was looking for a job to make my life better. Since COVID I'm left with no options and things are so bad for me I have thoughts of hurting myself and it scares me and so I am asking for help so I can start my life over and learn to love myself again. I am making this plea for help in the hopes that I'll be able to turn my life around and feel like life is worth living even when the people I love don't return that love and in fact use my love for them against me. I need to start my life over some way, some how while I still want a life. I want to stop being hurt and love myself by getting away from the toxic people in my life before I truly have no more life to save or make better. I am lost and stuck with no light at the end of the tunnel. I need to leave and start over, I have never done anything for myself and have never asked for help like this before but I don't want to turn to hurting myself again and possibly ending things completely if there's still a chance I might be able to save what's left of my life. Bless everyone and pray someone else in this situation gets help before it's too late, even if I don't. Thank you all, I appreciate the ability to make this post and the chance to ask for help when I don't have any other options.
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