We can still dream in Quarantine, Right?

It feels odd to be a human in 2020 it feels even more odd to be in such needs and ask for help in 2020 and it surely feels odd to be a women of color pregnant with a “covid baby”. The odds were quite against us POC before but they seem to feel even closer today. In the middle of a pandemic here we are POC at the face of civil unrest and distrust. You would think the lives of people would be precious right now and caring for one another would be the priority in such sensitive times. It seems to be just opposite of that, were we become more disposable and are used and abused by the hands of people who are employed to “help us” . The amount of fear that runs through my heart and anxiety through my mind clouds my abilities to properly prepare for my next little love child. To enter such a place that feels as if there isn’t room for him. Space for his blackness. Privilege for his rights and honor to walk in his joy. I am scared, sleepless nightmare filled evenings, alone in these feelings with just my tears to console me. I am scared. Somehow as a mother i have to figure out how to inspire and devote my life to giving everything in me to my little baby blooms with hopes that no matter what , they lead with love and kind hearts. That they are soft and gentle with respect for all things that hold breathe. That moment for me starts with their birth. Black mothering people and black babies have the highest of alarming birth rates for mortalities and fatalities and the stories i hear in 2020 alone from my sisters breaks my heart. I am here asking for support. For this world this country this state finds it illegal to birth my babies as i see fit in the comforts of my home with my sweet Echo and her father joining me to welcome our newest butterfly. Whom he amidst this chaos had been cocooning his special arrival. It is illegal to have ownership of my body and my babies bodies in a country that is “Free”. It is unnatural to deliver “naturally” without assistance from medical professionals but womb workers , healers , women of my own flesh. Hospital bills that reach through the sky for a bunch of unnecessary test and procedures that “they” say is necessary. Womb workers and midwifes are illegal and therefore not covered by most insurance and state funds. Causing mothers like myself who wish to be in the comforts of their homes with the tribe they choose to surround them to pay out of pocket $5000+. My son deserves this i want to give him a beautiful welcoming like i did my sweet Echo into the world. This time in the supple nest we call home, where he can be greeted by his sister for hospitals do not allow this. How would i manage to bring baby boy earthside knowing unknowingly worrying about Echo as i bake in the fluorescents and sterile walls of a hospital with strangers who do not know or believe my sacred power. Echo knows my power her father knows my power and without them i cannot do this alone. I know times are hard for everyone even we are a single job family currently and do not have much, but if you can or know of someone who can help us with our home birthing dreams and the few necessities we need like a car seat and crib for our cocooning soon be butterfly. If 600 people gave 10$ we would make our goal by our guess date of January 16th, 2021. New year New life. We love you we appreciate you. Your kind words and support are also helpful. Pray for us call unto your ancestors to guide us. Xo Jazmine, Andrew, Echo and baby butterfly to be!