My name is Stephanie Valdizon, and I'm about to share a very personal and traumatizing event that's happened in my life. To my friends and family or anyone out there who reads this, I'm sorry and I hate having to tell you my story, but I don't have another choice because I really need your help.
Due to a breakdown of my relationship and financial situation I attempted to end my life on June 22nd, 2018.
Up until April 2018, I was working long hours at a difficult and fast-paced job where I felt my boss favored my coworkers and I ended up getting fired. I had received my last paycheck and decided to spend $800 on a plane ticket to see my then-boyfriend at the end of October 2018.
I traveled to Texas from California in search of employment and to stay with my sister. I was so overwhelmed due to mostly being alone and away from home for the first time, my financial issues, the loss of my job, and the recent shooting and death of my cat who was my best friend. I was very dependent on my boyfriend for comfort and support. Due to my sister being a nurse and always working I had nobody to confide in about the way I was feeling and I was really grasping onto the thoughts of being with my boyfriend as a way to get me through the situations I was dealing with.
I wasn't planning on ending my life before that day, but it all came to a head when I found out my boyfriend had been seeing someone else whilst I'd been working long hours at that difficult job and he had allowed me to spend all of my money on a plane ticket despite having no intentions of staying with me. I felt like I lost everything I had, including the past couple of years of my life that I spent with my boyfriend. I was already lacking confidence due to my previous employer, but finding out my boyfriend was seeing someone else made me feel like I'd never been good enough for anyone and that I was always going to feel alone.
I spent all day waiting for my sister to start her night shift so I could be alone. I remember messaging a couple of people to say goodbye and then turning my phone off and proceeding to try and end my life by taking every pill I could find and confiding into alcohol. Before long I felt like I couldn’t breathe, my stomach started to hurt and when I started to feel my heartbeat slow down I could tell I was dying. I turned my phone back on and had no service to call the ambulance and had use WiFi to seek help from other people. I messaged a couple of people my address and asked for an ambulance to be called and then laid there and prayed to be rescued. I don't know where the strength came from, but something within me told me to keep my eyes open and to not fall asleep, and at that moment I tried to fight for my life the best I could.
After arriving at the hospital and being taken to the emergency room, I was given an activated charcoal drink. My sister was working that night and her coworkers called her in to be with me and after feeling her disappointment I finally realized what I had done.
After being released from the hospital the next day, we returned to my sister's house where she began to pack my things. I felt like there was a cloud hanging over us that nobody wanted to talk about and what I had done instantly became taboo.
I returned to California where I was put straight into intensive therapy, but other than with my therapist there was no space to talk freely about what lead up to and what happened on June 22nd, 2018.
I felt so hurt and embarrassed by what I had done and how people had reacted that I didn't want to prolong the situation by getting my insurance involved or asking for help doing so and at the time I thought it'd be better to forget the whole situation ever happened.
After being contacted by debt collectors, I finally found the courage to contact my insurance and the claims department who told me that my only remaining option is to pay it back in full.
I know now I made a bad decision by not contacting my insurance earlier, but all I wanted to do was distance myself from my past self and use all my remaining energy on healing my relationship with myself and others. This whole time I've been terrified to talk about what happened to me and to relive that night and I'm only doing it now in the attempt to finally be able to put it behind me permanently without debt collectors continuing to remind me of what happened. I'm financially struggling due to being unemployed during COVID-19 and not being eligible for the stimulus check as I've been listed as a dependent.
To anyone who’s wondering, I’ve never gotten back together with this person, we broke up the night I attempted suicide.
I'm really grateful to anyone who has read this and is willing to donate and/or share as it'd mean so much to me to get this behind me and move onto the next chapter of my life. Thank you for all the love and support. With love, Stephanie.