Our pPROM Story & Loss Of Two Beautiful Babies
Leona Richardson, 24.
Carlton, Nottingham.
I wanted to share my story of PPROM. I hope to enable others to feel as though they can talk and that they aren't alone, that's very much how I felt knowing that it only occurs in a very small percentage of pregnancies past the 12 week mark.
I lost both of my babies, my first 26.11.2017 at 19 weeks pregnant, and my second 18.11.2019 when I was 6 months pregnant.
With my baby boy, Jonah, I woke up at about 23:30 with what I thought was just my IBS (stomach cramping). I got out of bed half asleep and went to the toilet. After about 20 minutes and no relief I stood up to go back to bed and water gushed from me. I was soo confused! I didn't know what was happening, although deep down I think I did, I just didn't want to believe it. I woke my partner and after calling 111 explaining what had happened and explaining the contraction type pain that I was getting, we rushed to the hospital. After a 2 hour wait in A&E regardless of them being aware that my waters had broken! I was finally taken to the early pregnancy unit where I was examined. This it's self was a rollercoaster of emotions. Firstly, a doctor used a Doppler to try and hear the baby's heart beat and to our relief, she found it! Beating loudly and as strong as always. We cried tears of joy. We were then told around 30 minutes later, after a cervical examination, that my cervix was open and that the umbilical cord was visible.
They explained that my membranes had ruptured and that the chances of our baby surviving was less that 1%. We were devastated, I couldn't accept what was happening, my baby boy was alive and moving around as normal. I was admitted onto a ward and monitored closely for signs of infection. I felt like every nurse, doctor and consultant that I saw was telling me the same thing. And although true, I wished not to hear it. Due to showing no signs of infection, I was offered the chance to continue and go into labour naturally, with the doctors words that my baby may live for only a few seconds or not make it at all. Part of me was hoping and wishing that if I didn't go into labour straight away that he may have grown stronger each hour and could have had more chance of surviving.
After reading many instances where this had been the case, I refused induction and just prayed for a miracle. The next day I was booked in for an ultrasound to see if anything showed the reasoning behind my PPROM. To the doctors' surprise, my boy was still moving around and living as though nothing had changed. However, the sonographer explained that there was no amniotic fluid left surrounding the baby. The doctor went on to continually assure me that as there was no fluid, my baby's lungs would no longer continue to develop. I was taken back to my ward and again began waiting. The following day the midwife used the Doppler to see if my baby still had a heart beat; he did. Part of me was happy, but knowing that we were waiting for the inevitable made it extremely difficult.
I was being told to walk around as it may quicken the onset of labour; I still didn't want this to happen because I just didn't want to accept it. I went to sleep that evening and woke up to severe contractions again early the following morning at about 5am. After 57 hours of slow progressive labour I gave birth, my boy had already passed away. I was greeted 30 minutes later by a consultant whom explained that due to my placenta not coming away naturally, that I had to go into theatre as an emergency from the risk of haemorrhage with a retained placenta.
I will never, ever forget the 3 days that I spent in hospital, the sadness and heartbreak that we felt and the emptiness that I felt and still do feel to this day.
A year on, we decided to try again. This wasn’t easy as we found out that I had PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) and I had to undergo fertility treatment after many failed attempts of natural conception. Finding out that we had managed to conceive brought on a rollercoaster of emotion. Excitement, fear, joy, sadness. We did have a bit of hope this time after being told that there was a 99% chance of us continuing on and having a healthy and successful pregnancy regardless of the previous pPROM.
This time, we were under the watchful eye of a consultant. Weekly scans, regular check ups and everything seemed to be going well. At 17 weeks, we had another scan which showed a slight funnelling to the cervix, I was devistated. Immediately thinking the worst. At this point I was referred to have an elective cervical stitch under spinal anaesthetic to hold my cervix together.
A week on, I had another scan which showed that despite having the stitch, my cervix was practically open. I was referred to Leeds where I had another spinal and another stitch higher up my cervix and advised to rest. I was given the choice as to wether I wanted to have the second stitch due to the high likelihood of risks associated with this, including rupturing of membranes, what I was trying to avoid. I was at a point where I would do absolutely anything and knowing that doing nothing would mean I wouldn’t make it much further. The operation went well and scans showed success.
Fast forward to 2 weeks on I had my 20 week anomaly scan & I can remember feeling soo overwhelmed watching my little girl wriggle around on the screen and soo happy that she was ok. About 5 minutes into my scan, I turned onto my side so that the sonographer could get a better view... this is where it all went wrong. As I turned over, I felt that gush of fluid. My heart sunk. I knew what happens next. I was hysterical. I was wheeled to the bereavement suite and set up in the room where I was checked over to see if it was amniotic fluid. I told the doctors that it was and that I didn’t need a speculum examination. I was soo scared that if they did it, more fluid would come away. They did one anyway and confirmed the reality of my nightmare. I lay on the bed, legs crossed, feeling helpless. Again. At this point I was told to prepare myself for the worst, again. Heart break. Again. I was 20 weeks and 6 days pregnant so had no hope.
I was admitted into hospital and put onto bed rest to wait for the inevitable. I was told that it would be likely that labour would start within 48 hours and that I would need to be rushed into theatre to have my stitch removed under another spinal anaesthetic.
48 hours passed and no labour.... 72 hours, 4 days, 1 week.... Everyday that I held on to my baby girl with no signs of labour, no infection and with her having a strong heart beat gave me hope!
I reached 24 weeks with no amniotic fluid, 2 operations, meconium, she was breech but she was still going. We were over the moon. I was viable, my baby would be helped if she was born from now. I felt relieved. We started to prepare ourselves mentally knowing that it would be extremely likely that we would be spending a long time in Neonatal Intensive Care with our baby. None of that mattered because I knew that every day meant it was more likely that I would still get to hold my baby and have a little life to protect and love at the end of it all. We were ready for it all.
At 24 weeks and 3 days, the usual 4 hourly observations were due; blood pressure, temperature, pulse rate and listening into our baby’s heart beat. All of my observations were fine, as usual. The midwife applied the jelly and started to look around for her heart beat. After a few minutes... there was nothing. I knew my little girls usual tendencies and although it usually took a while to find her because she was hiding behind my placenta, or because she was trying her best to avoid being prodded, I didn’t feel her creating a fuss like she usually did. She’d usually kick it away and let me know she wanted to be left alone. Not this time. Already 10 minutes and 2 midwives later, I lay on my bed, fingers crossed under my pillow and the biggest feeling of fear in my heart while I waited for the doctor to come and do a bedside scan. Pure silence... for a few minutes that felt like a lifetime, and then the “Sorry”. The one word that broke my heart again. We lost the fight again.
My consultant, the midwives, the doctors couldn’t understand why. Neither did I. They explained that they didn’t expect this to happen, they expected either an infection or labour. I now prepare for my second child’s funeral and the true reason as to why isn’t really known, just as there was no explanation for what happened to my first baby boy. All we can do is wait for the results of our daughters post mortem and hope for some sort of reason, an explanation as to why.
I will always remember how perfect both of my babies were, how their features resembled mine and their daddy’s, and the instant love I felt for them both. We managed to give our boy a beautiful send off with the help of family and friends around us and we wouldn't have been able to do it without them. We hope to be able to do the same for our little princess and be able to buy them a joint headstone for their shared plot.
Any donation would be a massive help and if you do not wish to, I still thank you for taking the time in reading our story. The fund will be used towards Willow’s and Jonah’s Headstone, the cost of erecting the headstone and the cost of reopening the plot and funeral flowers. A shared 10% of what is donated will be going to 2 charities. 5% will be donated to Zephyrs, a centre that offers loving care and support to families who have experienced the loss of a pregnancy or the death of a baby or child. The remaining 5% will be donated to Little heartbeats, a charity that uses donations to help in funding medical studies that aim to seek a better understanding of the causes and prevention of PPROM. If by any miracle enough money is raised, any amount above the cost of What is needed will also be split between the two charities. I will be withdrawing the funds directly and making donations to the charities that I have selected. I have attached the link for further information on PPROM, Zephyrs and Little heartbeats below.
https://www.nottinghamhospitalscharity.org.uk/appeals/zephyrs-nottingham-appeal/
https://www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/pregnancy-complications/waters-breaking-early-pprom
https://www.little-heartbeats.org.uk