Escaping Mania: A novel by Christina Kelley
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Escaping Mania is the culmination of my life-long passion for writing and my own journey into mental health. It is a fictional novel about a successful, young woman struggling to balance life, love and mental illness.
I chose to self-publish this book as a way to break into the publishers' market & to hopefully gain the attention of a larger, traditional publishing house. Escaping Mania is currently undergoing its final round of professional edits.
My husband & I have already invested over $8000 into my self-publishing venture. Unfortunately, circumstances have left me unable to fulfill my financial commitment & without a little outside help, the production of Escaping Mania will cease.
Rather than accepting donations without offering anything in return, I am prepared to give away up to 1000 Limited Presale eBook Editions of Escaping Mania.
I have pasted the first few pages for your enjoyment below. If you would like to read more, please donate $5.99 to receive your Limited Presale eBook Edition.
***Limited Presale eBook Editions will be available for download 30-Days prior to book release date (More details to follow).
***Only donations of $5.99 or more will qualify for the free download.
***One free download per donation. You MUST provide an email address in "comments" to receive a link for your free download (there is an option to make this private).
***Any & all funds raised exceeding the amount required to fulfill my committment to the publishing house will be donated to the Canadian Mental Health Association.
ESCAPING MANIA: A free preview:
“Jesus Raelle!” I whispered through rattling teeth. “Get it together.”
I clutched a cigarette tightly between two fingers, the thumb on my other hand bruised by my futile attempts to light the damn thing. My eyes crossed, and pain shot through my thumb as I tried again. Finally! A spark from the lighter and the tip flared to life.
I sucked in a long, satisfying drag. My body shook frantically, but I felt no cold. Nicotine pulsed through my veins, providing temporary relief from my looming attack.
Insanity is defined as a derangement of the mind which often results in extreme senselessness. My family believes I’m the perfect example, and despite my ongoing efforts to make them see otherwise, somehow, I always manage to screw things up.
Bipolar Disorder isn’t a diagnosis you can make people forget easily, and sitting behind the wheel of my small, beat-up Dodge Shadow on the verge of a nervous breakdown, I was almost inclined to agree with all of them.
I’m pretty sure any sane person wouldn’t openly tempt hypothermia by remaining in their vehicle without heat, in minus twenty-degree weather; their sole purpose to avoid prying, overprotective, and highly critical family members.
This was how I was spending my Friday night. While the rest of my family gathered to celebrate my grandparents’ fiftieth wedding anniversary in the warmth of the Midnight Pearl, Sylvan Lake’s newest restaurant, I was outside, freezing my tookus in the parking lot.
The small lakeside community is located fifteen minutes west of Red Deer, the only city I’ve ever called home. If not for my fear of being stranded on the side of Highway 11, I never would’ve turned off my engine and killed my heat supply, but payday was still three days away and running out of gas was not on my list of things to accomplish today.
It’s been three years since my last attack. Why now? What was so different about tonight?
I closed my eyes and exhaled. The smoke I released became trapped within the confines of my car. I may be crazy enough to sit here with the engine turned off, but I wasn’t about to open my windows and allow the cold air free access from outside.
Unaware of my finger anxiously tapping the end of my cigarette against the ashtray, I took another drag – deeper this time - and glanced towards the rearview mirror.
I scowled as smoke rose from my lips. The thick tendrils swirling and dancing, and then disappearing into the hazy air that separated me from the girl staring back. She was someone else – someone my mother might approve of.
My anger spiked, and a hard lump formed in my throat. I tried to swallow it down, but the force of my emotion made it impossible. My stomach twisted into a painful knot.
At twenty-five, I’m not the same delinquent girl who left home after her sixteenth birthday. My mother could never seem to separate the two of us.
At her request, I refrained from using my usual shades of grey and purple eye shadows, opting for a more subtle combination of light pinks and browns. I resisted the urge to apply black eyeliner and polished my lips with a clear gloss, instead of my favorite raspberry-wine lipstick. My brown-black locks were pulled into a relaxed bun. I prefer to let them hang loosely at my shoulders.
To accompany my temporary makeover, I paired a simple black skirt with the pale, pink turtleneck Mom bought me for Christmas last year. She knows I hate pastels.
My heart beat furiously inside my chest. It’s humiliating that my mother still dictates how I look and dress - worse that I let her.
That single understanding shred the last vestige of control I had. I snarled at the girl who wasn’t me; the sound angry and only vaguely familiar. The butt of my fist followed, and the mirror cracked before my brain could register that my actions weren’t normal.
My fingers clawed at the material around my neck. I gasped for breath. The cigarette I found so satisfying seconds before was strangling, threatening my air supply. Somehow, I managed to snuff it out.
At the same time, my vision clouded over. Thousands of tiny lights exploded in front of me.
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see. All I felt was the rush of my own blood pounding inside my head. I needed to get out of the car.
My hand fumbled at my side. Where the hell is the handle! A cry of frustration penetrated the smoky air. Despite coming from my own mouth, the sound was horrific and felt foreign to my ears.
My fingers hit cold metal. I yanked the handle and sent the door flying open. My body tumbled out after it, and I landed hard on the snowy pavement, pain ricocheting through my knee.
Coughing and sputtering as I fought to catch my breath, I stood up awkwardly and twisted my body towards my car. My fist crashed down on the roof; once, twice, and then once more.
“Damn it!” I cursed loudly. Folding my head over my hands on the top of my car, I forced myself to breathe deeply. In, out, in, out; eyes closed. Despite trying desperately to regain control, my tears came fast and furious, and my shoulders trembled as my emotions betrayed me.
“Auntie Raaaaeeee!” I had no time to brace myself as the little, brunette bundle leapt from the ground into my arms. Her tiny legs wrapped tightly around my waist.
Nonononono! This could not be happening right now. Why the hell wasn’t she inside with the rest of them?
I held my four-year-old niece tightly against me, swaying on my feet as my heart hammered wildly, and my vision blinked in and out of focus. I should’ve put her down. Instead, I raised my free hand to sweep away the tears now frozen on my face and planted a kiss on her cheek. I couldn’t let her see me like this.
“Hey there Sunshine,” I managed with a shaky voice. Breathing still wasn’t easy, and her tiny limbs felt weighted around my neck.
“Daddy said you’d be here,” she said matter-of-factly.
“Well of course I’m here.” My fingers tugged gently at her wrist, an attempt to loosen her hold. “I wouldn’t miss an opportunity to see my favorite girl.”
With a giggle, she pulled back in my arms, her bright emerald eyes seeking mine. She frowned, and her eyes crinkled.
“Auntie Rae, you don’t look so good.”
My heart lurched. Shit! Shit! Shit! If I couldn’t hide my meltdown from her, Brennan was sure to see it.
I forced a deep breath and lowered her to the ground. Kneeling down to her level, I tapped the tip of her freckled nose.
“Where is that Daddy of yours?” I asked. Her frown deepened. Her tiny brow furrowed in confusion. It didn’t occur to me that I had just blown off her concern.
“Right here,” A familiar voice resounded above me. “Danny Rae,” he scolded. “You know better than to run ahead of your mother and I like that.”
“Oh Brennan, listen to you.” I stood before Danny Rae could respond to her father and forced a grin I didn’t feel. “You sound just like Dad!”
My older brother didn’t look impressed. At 6’4”, Brennan towered over me. His eyes pinned mine with the same brilliant shade of green as his daughter’s. Until then, I didn’t know if his scowl was directed at me or Danny Rae.
“How’s it going Bren?” I resisted the overwhelming urge to press my palm against the ache lingering in my chest and stood on my tiptoes to give him a hug. His embrace was hard and swift.
“What’s wrong Rae?” he asked flatly.
“I think she’s sick Daddy.” Danny Rae crept forward; her voice sounding worried as she wrapped her arms around my leg.
I cupped her cheek in my palm, my attention focused on Brennan. He wanted the truth, and he wasn’t about to accept one of my old patch-over stories. Unfortunately for him, his blonde, way-too perfect, and extremely pregnant wife chose that precise moment to join us.
“Hi Raelle,” she whispered, her smile forced. I couldn’t pinpoint what I didn’t like about Brennan’s Barbie doll bride, but I’d always assumed the feeling was mutual. Still, I was relieved by her presence.
“Hi Kimmy,” I nodded, my fingers combing through Danny Rae’s soft curls. The gesture was meant to soothe her, the comfort it provided me unexpected.
I kept my eyes trained on Brennan’s while I focused on steadying my breath. He wanted answers I wasn’t able to give him tonight.
“It’s just a little sinus bug Bren.” I lied, glancing down at Danny Rae. She clung to my leg and shivered from the cold. “Besides, I’m sure you have enough on your plate with this little munchkin and another one ready to pop any day. You don’t need to worry about your perfectly capable baby sister too.”
I peeked towards the front of the restaurant. With dark, wood panel exterior and cast-iron framing, the Midnight Pearl was evidently designed with its sea bound namesake in mind. Decorative whiskey barrels littered the nicely treed landscape, and a large, rusted anchor sat to the left of the thick wooden plank separating the parking lot from entry inside. The only window was a small porthole to the right of the entrance, and a feature menu was positioned below it.
“Come on Cutie Patootie.” I grabbed Danny Rae’s hand. “We don’t want to keep Pappi waiting too long, right?”
“That’s right Auntie Rae.” Danny Rae giggled as she started to skip past the vehicles that lined our snowy path.
A frustrated growl reverberated in Brennan’s throat. It was a warning I knew well and dismissed quickly.
“Raelle,” he called after me. “Stop!”
I sucked in a deep breath as I twirled to face him.
“Look Bren, I’m fine. Really.” There was nothing I could say to make him believe me. He knew me too well. “Can we please go inside?” I continued. “I’m freezing, and so is Danny. Plus, I really need to pee.”
Brennan ran his hand through his thick mop of chocolate brown hair and dropped his shoulders in defeat.
“Fine,” he huffed, waving us off with his hand. “Take her with you. Kimmy and I will hold off Mom.”
********************
Thanks so much for taking the time to read my first few pages! I hope you enjoyed them!
I chose to self-publish this book as a way to break into the publishers' market & to hopefully gain the attention of a larger, traditional publishing house. Escaping Mania is currently undergoing its final round of professional edits.
My husband & I have already invested over $8000 into my self-publishing venture. Unfortunately, circumstances have left me unable to fulfill my financial commitment & without a little outside help, the production of Escaping Mania will cease.
Rather than accepting donations without offering anything in return, I am prepared to give away up to 1000 Limited Presale eBook Editions of Escaping Mania.
I have pasted the first few pages for your enjoyment below. If you would like to read more, please donate $5.99 to receive your Limited Presale eBook Edition.
***Limited Presale eBook Editions will be available for download 30-Days prior to book release date (More details to follow).
***Only donations of $5.99 or more will qualify for the free download.
***One free download per donation. You MUST provide an email address in "comments" to receive a link for your free download (there is an option to make this private).
***Any & all funds raised exceeding the amount required to fulfill my committment to the publishing house will be donated to the Canadian Mental Health Association.
ESCAPING MANIA: A free preview:
“Jesus Raelle!” I whispered through rattling teeth. “Get it together.”
I clutched a cigarette tightly between two fingers, the thumb on my other hand bruised by my futile attempts to light the damn thing. My eyes crossed, and pain shot through my thumb as I tried again. Finally! A spark from the lighter and the tip flared to life.
I sucked in a long, satisfying drag. My body shook frantically, but I felt no cold. Nicotine pulsed through my veins, providing temporary relief from my looming attack.
Insanity is defined as a derangement of the mind which often results in extreme senselessness. My family believes I’m the perfect example, and despite my ongoing efforts to make them see otherwise, somehow, I always manage to screw things up.
Bipolar Disorder isn’t a diagnosis you can make people forget easily, and sitting behind the wheel of my small, beat-up Dodge Shadow on the verge of a nervous breakdown, I was almost inclined to agree with all of them.
I’m pretty sure any sane person wouldn’t openly tempt hypothermia by remaining in their vehicle without heat, in minus twenty-degree weather; their sole purpose to avoid prying, overprotective, and highly critical family members.
This was how I was spending my Friday night. While the rest of my family gathered to celebrate my grandparents’ fiftieth wedding anniversary in the warmth of the Midnight Pearl, Sylvan Lake’s newest restaurant, I was outside, freezing my tookus in the parking lot.
The small lakeside community is located fifteen minutes west of Red Deer, the only city I’ve ever called home. If not for my fear of being stranded on the side of Highway 11, I never would’ve turned off my engine and killed my heat supply, but payday was still three days away and running out of gas was not on my list of things to accomplish today.
It’s been three years since my last attack. Why now? What was so different about tonight?
I closed my eyes and exhaled. The smoke I released became trapped within the confines of my car. I may be crazy enough to sit here with the engine turned off, but I wasn’t about to open my windows and allow the cold air free access from outside.
Unaware of my finger anxiously tapping the end of my cigarette against the ashtray, I took another drag – deeper this time - and glanced towards the rearview mirror.
I scowled as smoke rose from my lips. The thick tendrils swirling and dancing, and then disappearing into the hazy air that separated me from the girl staring back. She was someone else – someone my mother might approve of.
My anger spiked, and a hard lump formed in my throat. I tried to swallow it down, but the force of my emotion made it impossible. My stomach twisted into a painful knot.
At twenty-five, I’m not the same delinquent girl who left home after her sixteenth birthday. My mother could never seem to separate the two of us.
At her request, I refrained from using my usual shades of grey and purple eye shadows, opting for a more subtle combination of light pinks and browns. I resisted the urge to apply black eyeliner and polished my lips with a clear gloss, instead of my favorite raspberry-wine lipstick. My brown-black locks were pulled into a relaxed bun. I prefer to let them hang loosely at my shoulders.
To accompany my temporary makeover, I paired a simple black skirt with the pale, pink turtleneck Mom bought me for Christmas last year. She knows I hate pastels.
My heart beat furiously inside my chest. It’s humiliating that my mother still dictates how I look and dress - worse that I let her.
That single understanding shred the last vestige of control I had. I snarled at the girl who wasn’t me; the sound angry and only vaguely familiar. The butt of my fist followed, and the mirror cracked before my brain could register that my actions weren’t normal.
My fingers clawed at the material around my neck. I gasped for breath. The cigarette I found so satisfying seconds before was strangling, threatening my air supply. Somehow, I managed to snuff it out.
At the same time, my vision clouded over. Thousands of tiny lights exploded in front of me.
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see. All I felt was the rush of my own blood pounding inside my head. I needed to get out of the car.
My hand fumbled at my side. Where the hell is the handle! A cry of frustration penetrated the smoky air. Despite coming from my own mouth, the sound was horrific and felt foreign to my ears.
My fingers hit cold metal. I yanked the handle and sent the door flying open. My body tumbled out after it, and I landed hard on the snowy pavement, pain ricocheting through my knee.
Coughing and sputtering as I fought to catch my breath, I stood up awkwardly and twisted my body towards my car. My fist crashed down on the roof; once, twice, and then once more.
“Damn it!” I cursed loudly. Folding my head over my hands on the top of my car, I forced myself to breathe deeply. In, out, in, out; eyes closed. Despite trying desperately to regain control, my tears came fast and furious, and my shoulders trembled as my emotions betrayed me.
“Auntie Raaaaeeee!” I had no time to brace myself as the little, brunette bundle leapt from the ground into my arms. Her tiny legs wrapped tightly around my waist.
Nonononono! This could not be happening right now. Why the hell wasn’t she inside with the rest of them?
I held my four-year-old niece tightly against me, swaying on my feet as my heart hammered wildly, and my vision blinked in and out of focus. I should’ve put her down. Instead, I raised my free hand to sweep away the tears now frozen on my face and planted a kiss on her cheek. I couldn’t let her see me like this.
“Hey there Sunshine,” I managed with a shaky voice. Breathing still wasn’t easy, and her tiny limbs felt weighted around my neck.
“Daddy said you’d be here,” she said matter-of-factly.
“Well of course I’m here.” My fingers tugged gently at her wrist, an attempt to loosen her hold. “I wouldn’t miss an opportunity to see my favorite girl.”
With a giggle, she pulled back in my arms, her bright emerald eyes seeking mine. She frowned, and her eyes crinkled.
“Auntie Rae, you don’t look so good.”
My heart lurched. Shit! Shit! Shit! If I couldn’t hide my meltdown from her, Brennan was sure to see it.
I forced a deep breath and lowered her to the ground. Kneeling down to her level, I tapped the tip of her freckled nose.
“Where is that Daddy of yours?” I asked. Her frown deepened. Her tiny brow furrowed in confusion. It didn’t occur to me that I had just blown off her concern.
“Right here,” A familiar voice resounded above me. “Danny Rae,” he scolded. “You know better than to run ahead of your mother and I like that.”
“Oh Brennan, listen to you.” I stood before Danny Rae could respond to her father and forced a grin I didn’t feel. “You sound just like Dad!”
My older brother didn’t look impressed. At 6’4”, Brennan towered over me. His eyes pinned mine with the same brilliant shade of green as his daughter’s. Until then, I didn’t know if his scowl was directed at me or Danny Rae.
“How’s it going Bren?” I resisted the overwhelming urge to press my palm against the ache lingering in my chest and stood on my tiptoes to give him a hug. His embrace was hard and swift.
“What’s wrong Rae?” he asked flatly.
“I think she’s sick Daddy.” Danny Rae crept forward; her voice sounding worried as she wrapped her arms around my leg.
I cupped her cheek in my palm, my attention focused on Brennan. He wanted the truth, and he wasn’t about to accept one of my old patch-over stories. Unfortunately for him, his blonde, way-too perfect, and extremely pregnant wife chose that precise moment to join us.
“Hi Raelle,” she whispered, her smile forced. I couldn’t pinpoint what I didn’t like about Brennan’s Barbie doll bride, but I’d always assumed the feeling was mutual. Still, I was relieved by her presence.
“Hi Kimmy,” I nodded, my fingers combing through Danny Rae’s soft curls. The gesture was meant to soothe her, the comfort it provided me unexpected.
I kept my eyes trained on Brennan’s while I focused on steadying my breath. He wanted answers I wasn’t able to give him tonight.
“It’s just a little sinus bug Bren.” I lied, glancing down at Danny Rae. She clung to my leg and shivered from the cold. “Besides, I’m sure you have enough on your plate with this little munchkin and another one ready to pop any day. You don’t need to worry about your perfectly capable baby sister too.”
I peeked towards the front of the restaurant. With dark, wood panel exterior and cast-iron framing, the Midnight Pearl was evidently designed with its sea bound namesake in mind. Decorative whiskey barrels littered the nicely treed landscape, and a large, rusted anchor sat to the left of the thick wooden plank separating the parking lot from entry inside. The only window was a small porthole to the right of the entrance, and a feature menu was positioned below it.
“Come on Cutie Patootie.” I grabbed Danny Rae’s hand. “We don’t want to keep Pappi waiting too long, right?”
“That’s right Auntie Rae.” Danny Rae giggled as she started to skip past the vehicles that lined our snowy path.
A frustrated growl reverberated in Brennan’s throat. It was a warning I knew well and dismissed quickly.
“Raelle,” he called after me. “Stop!”
I sucked in a deep breath as I twirled to face him.
“Look Bren, I’m fine. Really.” There was nothing I could say to make him believe me. He knew me too well. “Can we please go inside?” I continued. “I’m freezing, and so is Danny. Plus, I really need to pee.”
Brennan ran his hand through his thick mop of chocolate brown hair and dropped his shoulders in defeat.
“Fine,” he huffed, waving us off with his hand. “Take her with you. Kimmy and I will hold off Mom.”
********************
Thanks so much for taking the time to read my first few pages! I hope you enjoyed them!
Organizer
Christina Kelley
Organizer
Red Deer, AB
