Amy's not ready to die.

I am trying to raise money to send my daughter Amy to Germany for treatment.

Firstly, thank you for taking the time to read this. It's been a struggle to type this  because I can't seem to stop the tears from falling and I can't see the screen.

Let me introduce myself. I'm Wendy, I'm a mum of two beautiful girls. My eldest, Amy, is 25 years old, my youngest, Holly is 18. Amy, my eldest is dying and I desperately need your help.

                                                             Amy and me.

Amy was 23 years old when she found a lump in her breast at the end of September 2017. By October 2017 a biopsy and ultrasound had determined it to be breast cancer. I can recall sitting there whilst the oncologist at the hospital talked about tumour sizes and treatment plans whilst trying to stop the vomit that was rising in my throat. 

I can vividly remember looking at my beautiful girl and trying so hard not to scream. All the while Amy sat there composed, taking everything in. I swore right there and then that I would do everything I possibly could to keep this beautiful girl here.

                                                              Amy riding free.

Amy had to undergo fertility treatment to freeze her eggs, as the chemotherapy she had to have would've killed them - Amy wants desperately to be a mum so she took this on the chin and managed to get through 4 weeks of invasive treatment. In between this time her further scan showed the cancer had grown - tests determined Amy carried a faulty BRACA2 gene, and this tiny gene was responsible for Amy's suffering and cancer at such a young age. 

On the 18th December 2017, Amy started chemo (the tumour measured 5.1 centimetres and was now joined by another tumour measuring 2.1) After her third lot of chemo the doctors decided to change to a different one but after her second treatment on this new chemo, her re-scan showed the tumours were growing. By March she had an emergency mastectomy - at no point throughout all this did Amy question 'Why her?', and at no point did she just lay on any of those hospital beds and cry. When her hair (and anyone who knows my daughter knows how glam she is) began to fall out she just looked for alternative options of headwear and went to her wig appointments with the grace of a princess. Meanwhile I was growing in anguish at everything Amy was going through. She was now Amy, my daughter, my best friend, fighting cancer. 

                                                #SistersSnapchatFun.

Life had become chemo, drugs, pathology reports, hospital appointments, emails, phone calls, body scans and sleepless nights. It was after her body scan, and whilst still receiving chemo that a nodule on her lung was detected. The oncologists weren't worried and Amy moved on to the radiation therapy - she had this for 5 days a week for 3 solid weeks and after this she began hormone therapy. It seemed as though we were getting there. Amy was here, had completed all her treatment - I honestly thought my begging and pleading and crying rivers had worked. That someone, somewhere had thrown a lucky charm and the luck had landed on Amy. 

This didn't last. At Christmas 2018, Amy began with aches and pains and extreme tiredness. That familiar vomit once again threatened to explode and the anguish came tumbling back. Blood tests and scans and oncology reports lead to us being told Amy was now at stage 4 - this cancer has spread to her liver and lungs, and here in the UK is considered untreatable and unresponsive to chemo. However, the clinic in Germany have other options for Amy. They say they have treatments that are proven to work, that the NHS unfortunately cannot fund. I can't allow my baby to die purely because of costs. Could you? 

I can't really put into words what it feels like when someone tells you your child is dying. A mums job is to protect and nurture their baby. I feel like a failure. I keep looking at Amy, soaking up every detail, and storing it deep, deep inside my heart. Freeze-frame images of her birth flash before me, and my 7 pound 4oz baby that i had at 16 - young yes, but so loved and so wanted. Amy is a sweet natured, gentle young woman who doesn't deserve this, the clinic in Germany offers hope and are willing to take Amy on if obviously we can raise the funds.

I know its a lot asking for money, and I honestly wouldn't do this if there was any other way. Amy is doing everything possible to live. She takes copious amounts of medicines - attends so many hospital appointments, and when she has zero energy left, when her body is racked in great pain she still fights on.

Please, please help Amy fight this. I'm down to begging people to help give Amy a chance. Her sister Holly is begging people to help give Amy a chance. Her stepdad Carl is begging people to help give Amy a chance. Her Nanna and Grandad, her partner, her friends are all begging people to help give Amy a chance. 

                                                                Young Love.

                                                  Amy's message to Carl.
                                     
Amy's eggs are still in a freezer in the hospital- she wants to be a mum. She wants to grab her bags and spend weekends away with her partner and see the world with him. She'd like to learn to drive. She wants more spa days with me. She wants to still tease her sister and then make it all up to her over girly nights in. She wants to be able to phone Carl and ask him to hang more curtains for her. She desperately wants to live, I desperately need her to live. Please, please could you help? Amy's not ready to die.

                                  Amy and Holly - My complete world.

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