Addiction & Depression Support

Please help. 

I would to start a you tube channel to share my experiences with depression & addiction in the hope I can help someone else who is currently suffering. I need raise money for a intoductiom video, tripod and small microphone. If you can share a £1 I would be so greatful. 

This was my story written in january 2018

From a council state kid who hated school, who had the worst attendance in the schools history who then got stuck at a biscuit factory for 6 years I was a happy person. I had the best friends and social life and I always prided myself on the fact I was kind person who would make the time and effort for everyone. Through hard-work and dedication over the next 6 years I built a couple of successful businesses with my best friend Steve, I found my self on holiday 3 times a year, owned my own flat and house and brought a second house for an investment with work. I had a partner and little dog and a best friend in my Grandad.

Over the next year a chain of events happened that turned my life up side down. The 3rd business we launched with anew partner after 9 months we realised we where getting ripped of 39k by the partner, weeks later we lose our telecoms contract and we had to release 13 staff that broke my heart. We then lost our house investment, office, and my life is tuned up side down after working so hard to achieve.

I lose my grandparents who brought me up , my business , my house, my partner, my dog, my friends & family members while watching my Grandad die. You then go through severe depression which leads to severe addiction which nearly kills you twice from heart failure and a Seizure while building up Ridiculous debts from family members or friends trying to support you or keep you alive from the countless death threats you receive from dealers. I hid my addition for over a year while it was obviously to family and friends I had lost weight from 15 stone to 11 stone 1 but also lost myself. I hit rock bottom and was forced to cancelling through my friends.

You then rebuild from rock bottom, you go through Counselling while sleeping at friends or families houses but you find the strength to build and start again and try to once again to be happy. You pride your self on being a good person and rebuild your business while not taking a wage for 3 years but yet become a successes while all the time i was homeless. I would raise money for my company knowing it would be a success and work long hours trying to rebuild my life and show support to others who have suffered from these illnesses.

Your then forced to sell the only 2 companies you have left in the world out of desperation on the cheap to pay back the massive debts you have built up over the years and you are left with nothing but depression and addiction and loneliness and sadness. You have no one in your life and you miss the your little dog because she is like my child and only connection I have left to my Grandad who loved her. Yet people get shocked when when they hear you have relapsed or depressed or think about suicide every day? You realise the person you once was who was kind, happy and good to others is no more and is now sad loanly and lost and not the same person with the same values. Your 39, you once wanted to get married and have children but realise you have nothing to offer any one let alone your self.

So I ask my self what keeps me going while sleeping on a sofa? Iv lost everything, rebuilt then lost all happiness agin when all I did was work so hard. I would not wish addiction or depression on anyone let alone both. I’m grateful for the few family members or friends I have in my life who have stuck by my side, money does not make you happy but it takes away 90% of the problems.

I find myself living my life in the past, constantly thinking how I was once happy, the person I was, the things I had that I worked so hard for and the things Iv lost or people I miss.

I have let people’s negative comments affect me in such a harmful way, depression does that to everyone! You lose so many people along the way because a addict or depressed person is a pain in the arse to people who have there own life’s.

We have all been through death, loss and separation and it affects us all in so many ways. Iv personally gone through 5 years of it now and think to my self every day I can’t believe I’m still hear.l considering the thins Iv been through or the thoughts Iv had trying to end it.

If asked when I was last truly happy I would have to say 2013 when I had my Grandad an my little Dog Maggie may in my life every day.