Hope for Hannah PTSD

 In words: My name is Hannah. I've had PTSD for about 3 years as well as anorexia and severe depression. I've been in and out of the hospital, on and off medications, and currently I attend college. I call PTSD a life disability because of just how much I can't do because of it. I can't drive. I can't sit in the front of a car. I can't ride my bike in the bike lane. I can't walk anywhere alone at night. I can't make it through a class without a flashback or panic attack. I can't stand in a crowd. I lost my job because of memory issues for PTSD and had to get a new job and yet again my PTSD has put my employment in jeopardy so on to the next. My grades and performance in school are heavily affected by my PTSD. I moved 7 times last year because of my PTSD. I've been the victim of sexual assault and bullying online and in person because of my disability and have been dealing with that for over a year. In making any video or any page about my disability it was so hard, because the reality of my condition is something that would be R-rated material. No one wants to see a girl duck out of class to scream and cry and then vomit. No one wants to see the scars of selfharm or see the 3 years of sleepless nights of PTSD hell. No one wants to see the times I was assaulted during a panic attack or hear the names I have been called. I have pictures and videos and documents and a blog so if that is something you wanted to see I have proof, but that's not a part of myself I wanted to be in the video campaign. I had wanted the campaign to be inspiring and thoughtful, not a dark expose. As far as my condition goes I have been receiving treatment for a few years now. Despite therapy, medications, and other treatments the symptoms have not abated to the point that I can maintain a normal life. My PTSD is in charge. I had the brief opportunity to work with a service dog in training and have done therapy with dogs before. The effects were immediate. Suicidal ideation disappeared. Moods balanced. Aggression calmed. My PTSD was not completely gone but it became MANAGEABLE. Here are the obstacles. -I am a sophomore in college -The bullying and sexual assaults happened at this college, but this is one of 3 colleges in the US that offers my major and I have already taken 3/4 of my major requirements here -I cannot keep a stable job because my PTSD affects memory, moods, and triggers panic attacks at school and at work. Leaving class doesn't cost you your enrollment. Leaving work, does. - I can only have a dog as a fully certified dog because I need the dog especially at work and school. As an ESA in Hawaii the dog would be limited to living in my dorm room and as I am gone so often, it would be neglect/animal abuse if I were to keep a dog home alone that long. There are more than 4 tasks that a dog would need to be trained to do to specifically help mitigate my disability. -Expense. Companies who train dogs for PTSD (nonveteran) want anywhere from $15,000- $30,000 plus expenses. -It is not easy to fundraise for a service dog- especially since this dog will be a psychiatric service dog -I cannot have the dog in housing with me unless it is fully certified -my landlord kicked me out illegally because I reported that I was going to get a fully certified service dog. I went to the school and they said there was nothing they could do. If the dog is not certified there is no way to protect mine or the dogs employment and housing rights. -If I find a dog on my own and pay a trainer per session, it is $5,000 just for training. That is affordable, but will take years on my current budget. -my disability affects my employment. I have not been able to hold a job for very long because of my PTSD. On my own, I cannot afford the whole cost -My condition is worsening. I am not at a point where I meet the requirements for a higher level of care or hospitalization, but I can barely live. - I don't have years to save up for a dog. I need this dog as soon as possible - The dog needs to be either hypoallergenic or a husky or a malamute because that is the only breed of dog that is the size I need that I am not allergic to. -companies use dogs I am allergic to so I need to find/foster and if the trainer has to board the dog during training (thanks to my university) that will raise the cost to at least $10,000. .    Help me keep that smile. <3 mahalo nui fa'afetai tele lava malo aupito ありがとうござます   謝謝 and thank you very much <3 <3 to follow more of my journey youtube: see above video instagram: @hopeforhannahptsd facebook page:  hopeforhannahptsd @ptsddogforhannah Blog: https://wishesintostars.blog/