Getting my life back on track
Donation protected
First let me start by saying this is very humbling. Those of you who know me, know my marriage has been "over" for a while.
Three years ago, and in another state, I was facing life as a single mom to 4 beautiful kids. Those of you who know me, know how devastated I was. Fortunately, I was blessed with enough child support and spousal support to be able to put myself through school full time and still be home in the evenings for my kids. Towards the end of 2014 my husband got orders back to Ft. Bragg, and I honestly didn't want my kids to grow up without their father. So we reconciled in order to move as a family, together.
My husband has moved out TWO more times since then. Once in 2015 and again last year after having lived here only a couple of months. Each time, I've been left in a worse financial situation than the previous time in regards to the amount of support I receive.
As of last Thursday, I finally got a court order to set my support payments. To say that I was extremely disappointed at the Judges order would be an understatement. Naively, I honestly thought that after being married for 17, almost 18 years (to a service member of 19 years,) that I would at least be afforded the opportunity to receive enough spousal support so that I could continue the path of education. I've learned that I can ONLY count on myself to be able to fully move my life forward, so that I may support myself and my kids cause NOTHING is guaranteed. I knew the support I received wouldn't be enough to continue to live in the same manner that we've had. I just wanted enough to be able to focus on school while my kids were in school and still be with them in the evenings when they are home. Apparently that is NOT in Gods plan for me right now. And its okay. I know I'll be stronger at the end of the day. I'm just waiting to see what His plans are for me, because right now my path just looks so dark and I feel so completely lost.
My issue right now, is that the amount I am to receive is still significantly lower than the minimum I would need on a monthly basis to just meet my families bare minimums, without any luxuries and obviously living on a much smaller scale.
As of last Thursday, I am court ordered to maintain the payments on my car ($560), which I have been doing since October. I am also court ordered to pay the mortgage on my house ($1350) which is already behind since November. I am currently in school full time, and come home anywhere from 3 to 5:30 Mon-Wed and at 1 on Thursdays. I stay up everyday until midnight and sometimes later doing homework. My weekends are filled with homework. I am doing my best to bust my ass in school so that there will be no reason for me to NOT get accepted into the Dental Hygiene program I will be applying to come November. Only three of the classes I took in Florida transfered with me, loosing 20something credits.
As of right now though, I need to find employment. This means I have a couple of choices. I can quit school, have to repay the financial aid I was granted, and start working days so I can still spend time with my kids. I can continue to go to school, finish this semester and pick up an evening job having to work full time in the evenings which will leave little to no time for homework and almost NEVER see my kids. I can take my husbands continuous "generous" offer and allow my kids to go live with him while I go out on my own and "get my life together." Of course, he will be "generous" enough not to ask for child support, and I can come back for my kids once I am in a better situation. Better yet, I can just let him come home as he has repeatedly asked and, of course, everything can just be back to "normal". OR, I can continue to respect and love myself more, stay in school during the day and attend bartending school, so that I may work part time and still make a decent wage with tips and still be able to spend time with my kids and continue with my degree.
My family and friends know I've always been the one constant in my kids life. The Special Forces (A) life has habitualy taken my husband in and out of the home for deployments, schools, training, missions and the like, but I've always been the one they knew would always be home with them. I can't wrap my head about any other situation which could work, but the last option I mentioned.
My daughter is busting her butt to graduate HS a year early and finish next year. Her dreams are of being an Effex Make-Up Artist and she has a beautiful natural talent for it too. My son, a freshman, has high hopes of attending a Military Academy and being comissioned into the Army, surpassing his fathers footsteps, and becoming a Team Captain and eventually take a position of Command in our beloved 7th Special Forces Group (A). My younger two are still in 7th and 4th grade, so I still have time with them. But my older two? I can't even begin to imagine not spending the time with them before they go off and begin their own lives. As a military spouse, I know how rare those trips back home are going to be for my son.
My mom has been absolutely amazing through all of this. Actually, she has been more than amazing with her understanding and ability to do anything and everything to help me. She has opened up her bank account and it has cost her. A lot. She's even offered to help fund my bartending course, my rent deposit and first months and moving expenses, and yes, even a small deposit on a used car when my lease is over.... but her savings are dwindling, and its heartbreaking to know that she's putting me ahead of her own needs. It would be easier if I could move in with my mom, but ALL of my family is in California, and I'm without any family in North Carolina due to his military career.
As of right now, my mortgage has been defaulted on and my house is for sale, having recently reduced the asking price by almost 30k. If and when my house sells, I will need to move out before escrow closes so that I may turn the keys over. I will not receive my portion of the proceeds until after I've had to move. And thats not IF the worse case scenario happens and the house is foreclosed on first. I have not been able to save anything towards first months rent and deposit on a rental since any little bit coming into the house has been to maintain utilities, food and transportation expenses. I have not had the ability to save funds for the utility deposits or the cost of a moving truck. My car is a lease and will be over in September. I do not have the funds, nor have I had the ability to put money aside for either a little junker or tax, title and license on another once that is over.
I feel like everything I ever held with value in my life has been ripped from me. I thought that I had somehow "won" since I had learned not to hold value in anything material over the last few years. The only thing I have left is my kids and my education. Neither of which are material, and with having custody of my kids, I didn't think there was anyway to take them from me. Except, now I'm finding myself in a situation where I have to choose one over the other. I refuse to make that choice.
The obvious choice is my kids. Give up school and pick my kids. Without an education however, our lives will continuously deteriorate and thats not fair to them either.
Anything you can help with will go towards bartending school first. Anything over that will contribute to moving expenses (1st months rent, deposit, utility deposits and truck) and lastly, towards the car I will need to get us all around once my lease is over.
I've set my goal to cover the cost of only the course. cause I really don't know what to expect. Like I said, ANY little bit will help.
I am asking you to help me hold on to the last five priorities in my life. My four kids AND my education.
Thank you for taking the time to read this far down.
Three years ago, and in another state, I was facing life as a single mom to 4 beautiful kids. Those of you who know me, know how devastated I was. Fortunately, I was blessed with enough child support and spousal support to be able to put myself through school full time and still be home in the evenings for my kids. Towards the end of 2014 my husband got orders back to Ft. Bragg, and I honestly didn't want my kids to grow up without their father. So we reconciled in order to move as a family, together.
My husband has moved out TWO more times since then. Once in 2015 and again last year after having lived here only a couple of months. Each time, I've been left in a worse financial situation than the previous time in regards to the amount of support I receive.
As of last Thursday, I finally got a court order to set my support payments. To say that I was extremely disappointed at the Judges order would be an understatement. Naively, I honestly thought that after being married for 17, almost 18 years (to a service member of 19 years,) that I would at least be afforded the opportunity to receive enough spousal support so that I could continue the path of education. I've learned that I can ONLY count on myself to be able to fully move my life forward, so that I may support myself and my kids cause NOTHING is guaranteed. I knew the support I received wouldn't be enough to continue to live in the same manner that we've had. I just wanted enough to be able to focus on school while my kids were in school and still be with them in the evenings when they are home. Apparently that is NOT in Gods plan for me right now. And its okay. I know I'll be stronger at the end of the day. I'm just waiting to see what His plans are for me, because right now my path just looks so dark and I feel so completely lost.
My issue right now, is that the amount I am to receive is still significantly lower than the minimum I would need on a monthly basis to just meet my families bare minimums, without any luxuries and obviously living on a much smaller scale.
As of last Thursday, I am court ordered to maintain the payments on my car ($560), which I have been doing since October. I am also court ordered to pay the mortgage on my house ($1350) which is already behind since November. I am currently in school full time, and come home anywhere from 3 to 5:30 Mon-Wed and at 1 on Thursdays. I stay up everyday until midnight and sometimes later doing homework. My weekends are filled with homework. I am doing my best to bust my ass in school so that there will be no reason for me to NOT get accepted into the Dental Hygiene program I will be applying to come November. Only three of the classes I took in Florida transfered with me, loosing 20something credits.
As of right now though, I need to find employment. This means I have a couple of choices. I can quit school, have to repay the financial aid I was granted, and start working days so I can still spend time with my kids. I can continue to go to school, finish this semester and pick up an evening job having to work full time in the evenings which will leave little to no time for homework and almost NEVER see my kids. I can take my husbands continuous "generous" offer and allow my kids to go live with him while I go out on my own and "get my life together." Of course, he will be "generous" enough not to ask for child support, and I can come back for my kids once I am in a better situation. Better yet, I can just let him come home as he has repeatedly asked and, of course, everything can just be back to "normal". OR, I can continue to respect and love myself more, stay in school during the day and attend bartending school, so that I may work part time and still make a decent wage with tips and still be able to spend time with my kids and continue with my degree.
My family and friends know I've always been the one constant in my kids life. The Special Forces (A) life has habitualy taken my husband in and out of the home for deployments, schools, training, missions and the like, but I've always been the one they knew would always be home with them. I can't wrap my head about any other situation which could work, but the last option I mentioned.
My daughter is busting her butt to graduate HS a year early and finish next year. Her dreams are of being an Effex Make-Up Artist and she has a beautiful natural talent for it too. My son, a freshman, has high hopes of attending a Military Academy and being comissioned into the Army, surpassing his fathers footsteps, and becoming a Team Captain and eventually take a position of Command in our beloved 7th Special Forces Group (A). My younger two are still in 7th and 4th grade, so I still have time with them. But my older two? I can't even begin to imagine not spending the time with them before they go off and begin their own lives. As a military spouse, I know how rare those trips back home are going to be for my son.
My mom has been absolutely amazing through all of this. Actually, she has been more than amazing with her understanding and ability to do anything and everything to help me. She has opened up her bank account and it has cost her. A lot. She's even offered to help fund my bartending course, my rent deposit and first months and moving expenses, and yes, even a small deposit on a used car when my lease is over.... but her savings are dwindling, and its heartbreaking to know that she's putting me ahead of her own needs. It would be easier if I could move in with my mom, but ALL of my family is in California, and I'm without any family in North Carolina due to his military career.
As of right now, my mortgage has been defaulted on and my house is for sale, having recently reduced the asking price by almost 30k. If and when my house sells, I will need to move out before escrow closes so that I may turn the keys over. I will not receive my portion of the proceeds until after I've had to move. And thats not IF the worse case scenario happens and the house is foreclosed on first. I have not been able to save anything towards first months rent and deposit on a rental since any little bit coming into the house has been to maintain utilities, food and transportation expenses. I have not had the ability to save funds for the utility deposits or the cost of a moving truck. My car is a lease and will be over in September. I do not have the funds, nor have I had the ability to put money aside for either a little junker or tax, title and license on another once that is over.
I feel like everything I ever held with value in my life has been ripped from me. I thought that I had somehow "won" since I had learned not to hold value in anything material over the last few years. The only thing I have left is my kids and my education. Neither of which are material, and with having custody of my kids, I didn't think there was anyway to take them from me. Except, now I'm finding myself in a situation where I have to choose one over the other. I refuse to make that choice.
The obvious choice is my kids. Give up school and pick my kids. Without an education however, our lives will continuously deteriorate and thats not fair to them either.
Anything you can help with will go towards bartending school first. Anything over that will contribute to moving expenses (1st months rent, deposit, utility deposits and truck) and lastly, towards the car I will need to get us all around once my lease is over.
I've set my goal to cover the cost of only the course. cause I really don't know what to expect. Like I said, ANY little bit will help.
I am asking you to help me hold on to the last five priorities in my life. My four kids AND my education.
Thank you for taking the time to read this far down.
Organizer
Claudia Preciado Polanco
Organizer
Carthage, NC
