Help Needed Next Week!

In dire need of help on Saturday. I’ve put it off as long as I can but no more. A list of crucial items I need:
Fiber
Cane
Depends
Oil of Olay
More fiber
Small Notepad (for lists before I walk in to the next room)
Photoshop or personal trainer
A 4 course carb-tastic dinner and....
An hour long foot rub by someone whose old lady jokes are in a language I don’t understand
Possibly ice cream...
Just kidding. Definitely ice cream, next to cake

Registered at CVS, Norco and AARP. Thanks in advance.