BiPolar not Broken - Single Mom of Twins
Hi. My name is Courtney. I am not proud to be in this spot at 37 years of age. I suffer from depression and severe anxiety plus some new health problems the doctors have found. It kills me to be dependent on state assistance and the generosity of friends. Having to ask for help only makes my mental state even worse.
I am a single mom to one grown son, and twin toddler boys. I love them to pieces, yet as every other single parent: some days can be beyond overwhelming. In this case TIMES TWO!
I have found myself in a place where I need to reach out to others for help. Here is my story:
While I was pregnant with my twin boys, I was issued a ticket for a poor stop at a 4way stop. Stupid, I know: but a mistake that most of us could make. What made it worse was that we had just lapsed on our car insurance. REALLY stupid. Almost immediately following, I was admitted into the hospital for bed rest and observation due to complications in my pregnancy. While focusing on the health of myself and my babies, I was about to miss the court date. I made numerous attempts to contact the court to request an extension, but in the end they were unable to help me and I was hit with the maximum fine for driving without insurance. I was of course upset, but what could I do?
A week later the twins were born. They spent 3 weeks in the NICU and they became my priority. I was so excited to have them home: but my boys and I soon found ourselves leaving that home, and moving to a shelter for women and children a couple of hours away. The twins were only six months old. After 9 weeks, we were able to transition into our own apartment. The situation was not ideal, but my focus was on the health and safety of my sons.
Like most single moms, I do what it takes to make ends meet. Over the last few years I have become a "Courtney of all trades": childcare, working on my own little craft business, substitute teaching, selling outgrown toys and clothes, etc. We all know it is expensive to be a parent: and parents without a driver's license have it just a bit harder. A visit to the doctor becomes a long one hour visit with twins PLUS round trip taxi fare, which can really add up. I have to admit that I always took for granted, the convenience of being able to jump in the car to go pick up some milk.
I feel just awful for having to rely so heavily on my friends and neighbors, which is exacerbating my depression and anxiety. It is getting harder and harder to pretend that everything is OK. They say Money Can't Buy Happiness, but it could buy me some sanity.
In order for me to get out of this seemingly never-ending cycle, I am working hard to pay the fines necessary to have my license reinstated, and to get out from under the pile of past due bills. I am only receiving a small part of the remaining past due child support from my oldest son's father, which is helping for necessities, and we are just bout to start receiving some support for the twins after a 6 month lapse.
At this point, I am barely able to stay afloat with the state housing assistance and food stamps each month. I am DESPERATE to gain back my independence, self-worth, sanity and confidence. For a well-adjusted person, daily struggles and financial setbacks wouldn't be so hard. Sadly, I turn a lot of these problems inward and begin to tear myself down even more.
I don't want to live this way anymore. I have made the choice to take the first step in the direction of a brighter future.
A total of $2400 will put me in a position to turn my life around. If you are able to help in any way, I vow to pay it forward as soon as I am able. If you are not able to help, could you please share my story?
Thank you so much for reading this. It was as difficult to write it all out, as it has been to live it.
I am very grateful of the help I have in Flagstaff. The friends I have met here have been an amazing support to me in so many way. Unfortunately, I need to ask for just a little more help.
I was just thinking about how I was getting ahead on one bill this next weekend and now I get this call. There goes my calm mood and good day.
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