Dig Deep for Dan & Darin
Don protégé
Friends - I'm sharing this story because it needs to be heard, and asking you to help. This beautiful family is about to lose a parent to cancer, and they need our help. Here is their story, as told by Darin
When Dan and I met and fell in love so many years ago, we hoped to some day legally marry and have a family of our own. And we did. We got married, and we signed up to be foster parents. We knew we could be that weigh-station family for a child whose family needed care and support until they could get their feet under them again and resume their family life. We just never could have predicted what would happen next.
Ella was our first foster child. She came to us as a three-year-old and we loved her deeply. Despite the turmoil in her life, she bonded to us and we did our best to give her as much love and security as we could. Nearly two years later, when her birth family was not able to overcome their challenges, Ella became our first adopted child. On the day before her adoption was finalized in family court, we received a phone call. It was the hospital informing us that Ella's birth mother had given birth three days earlier to a baby boy - Ella's half-brother - and that little boy was to be released from the hospital. We were asked to pick him up and take him home. And, oh by the way, they needed our answer in three hours. Without a moment of hesitation, we went and got him and brought him into our home. Never mind that we had no car seat, no diapers, and no experience with a newborn baby, we were thrilled, and were able to celebrate Ella’s adoption that next day with her baby brother, Jack.
Our family of four learned a lot over the next year. We learned I was Poppy and Dan was Daddy. We learned how to change diapers, make bottles, and to calm fears, soothe children to sleep, bandage boo-boos and love unconditionally. And then, one year later, on the DAY of Jack’s adoption finalization, we got another call.
You guessed it. It was the hospital again. Ella and Jack's birth mother had given birth to another baby boy, and he also needed us. This time we had 24 hours to make a decision, but it took us even less time than before to unequivocally say yes. This baby was born almost exactly one year after his brother, but was not able to come home so soon—drug exposure, underdeveloped lungs, and jaundice kept him in NICU for a week but as soon as he was physically strong enough to leave the hospital, we went and got him too. After several weeks of medical treatment at home, Max's issues resolved and he is now a strong, beautiful child—like his brother and sister.
We middle-aged dads, Daddy and Poppy, found ourselves in the best years of our lives: three beautiful young children and a very happy and exciting future before us. I went to work and Dan stayed home with our children. A stay-at-home dad during the week and minister on the weekends, we had this whole thing figured out.
Until this summer. In July we embarked on an epic road trip to Montana to visit our kids’ grandpa and have a summer camping adventure with some of their cousins. Along the way, Daddy (who has been a fulltime stay-home dad since Jack was born) began to feel severe pain in his neck and head and became increasingly fatigued. We tried spa massages, pain killers, and rest to help him feel better, but the pain and fatigue continued—nothing we could think of made him feel better.
Finally, on the way home, we stopped at an emergency room in Spokane, Washington. There they discovered that Dan has an advanced brain cancer—two large tumors and two small tumors on his brain had been causing his pain and fatigue. The doctors did not believe it was safe to go home—not by car or by plane—so he had emergency brain surgery in Spokane.
My blessed sister came and drove the kids home while I stayed in Spokane with Dan until he could heal enough to travel. Two weeks later and barely able to speak, we finally made it back to Oakland by air ambulance.
On Friday, August 14, about six weeks after leaving for vacation, baby Max’s adoption was finalized by a Judge from Dan's hospital room via FaceTime, and plans were made for Daddy to come home to hospice care—the definition of a bittersweet day.
Dan's prognosis is not good. He has already lived longer than anyone thought he would but his time with us is short. Nevertheless, he is home and our family is reunited— we are all living together in our own home. In his last few days with us, the kids and I are showering him with love, and hoping and trusting that hearing and feeling the thump of life that is three young kids laughing, crying, fighting, and playing together will be a balm to him and make his last days and moments a blissful experience—one to carry him into his next realm.
Friends, these children have already been through so much, and are about to lose a parent. Ella is 7, Jack is 2 and Max is 1. And because Dan was the full-time stay-at-home parent, Darin has had to figure out childcare options for all three children. He is facing the reality of losing his spouse, and raising three young children as a single dad. Dan's monthly income was about $5,000, and the family is going to lose that as well. Darin is 100% dedicated to figuring it out and making it work, but it sure would take some of the burden off to have some financial stability. Please consider helping in any way you can. You will absolutely be making a difference in their lives. With love and appreciation,
Gigi
UPDATE 9-13-15:
Hi friends -
The outpouring of love and support for Dan and Darin has been overwhelming. Just wanted to post an update to let everyone know that Darin has been reading all of the messages to Dan and your warm wishes and prayers are brightening everyone's spirits. Thank you for showing Dan and his family the myriad ways in which the human spirit brings light to life. Please know that all of your support is so very appreciated, and is something Dan, Darin and the kids will be able to carry for their entire lives. Keep them coming. With much love and appreciation,
Gigi
UPDATE 9-18-15
Friends -
Thought you'd all like to know that your thoughts, prayers, love and support are being felt by the whole family. Dan had an amazing four days over the weekend. He was alert and energetic and had good times with his family and friends who could visit. It is a joyous time to be with Dan. Thank you for the infusion of prayers and generosity that certainly created an aura of love and support that helped Dan know that his kids' future will be brightened by his legacy. Yesterday, Dan rested comfortably (catching up on his sleep) and today is more alert again but still sleepy and as always, offering his beautiful smile. Keep the messages coming, and keep spreading the word. This family deserves it. Much love,
Gigi
UPDATE 9-22-15
Friends! We made it to our original goal of $50,000 in just 10 days! What a remarkable feat and a symbol of the love for Dan and his family. From the smallest gift of $6 to the largest of $1500, our community has come together to show Dan and his family how much they are loved and supported.
After hearing from more than one donor and friend that the goal could be raised to ensure Dan's family is secure, we decided to raise the goal to $75,000. Please consider re-posting the link to your FB and sending notes to your friends. You don't have to know Dan to want to help. Many of the donations are anonymous and some comments even state that they are strangers or people who only know of this family but have never met them. What a tribute to love.
Darin discovered that a website created for Dan's ordination is still up, and he wants to share it with you so you can read some of the sermons Dan delivered during his time serving the Arlington Street Church in Boston. Here's the link: http://dankaneordination.net. You will definitely want to read his sermon, Let Love Be My Legacy (http://dankaneordination.net/LetLoveBeMyLegacy.pdf). You will read in Dan's own words exactly what you have shown by your donation--that Love IS Dan's legacy.
And that legacy, along with your prayers and good wishes, is making Dan strong. He is eating and drinking and being more alert than he has been in a month. The arc of his disease process can't be stopped but he is, for now, still enjoying cuddles from his kids and sharing his good humor.
Lastly here is a recent photo taken with Dan, on the Healing Quilt from the First Unitarian Church of Oakland. Thank you everyone for your support.
UPDATE: 10-6-15
It is with a heavy heart that I write to let you know we lost Dan this morning. Though his spirit will live on, he will be deeply missed. Thanks to everyone who helped make his last few weeks so meaningful and for the love that lifted him, Darin, and the kids up. Keep the good thoughts coming. ❤️
When Dan and I met and fell in love so many years ago, we hoped to some day legally marry and have a family of our own. And we did. We got married, and we signed up to be foster parents. We knew we could be that weigh-station family for a child whose family needed care and support until they could get their feet under them again and resume their family life. We just never could have predicted what would happen next.
Ella was our first foster child. She came to us as a three-year-old and we loved her deeply. Despite the turmoil in her life, she bonded to us and we did our best to give her as much love and security as we could. Nearly two years later, when her birth family was not able to overcome their challenges, Ella became our first adopted child. On the day before her adoption was finalized in family court, we received a phone call. It was the hospital informing us that Ella's birth mother had given birth three days earlier to a baby boy - Ella's half-brother - and that little boy was to be released from the hospital. We were asked to pick him up and take him home. And, oh by the way, they needed our answer in three hours. Without a moment of hesitation, we went and got him and brought him into our home. Never mind that we had no car seat, no diapers, and no experience with a newborn baby, we were thrilled, and were able to celebrate Ella’s adoption that next day with her baby brother, Jack.
Our family of four learned a lot over the next year. We learned I was Poppy and Dan was Daddy. We learned how to change diapers, make bottles, and to calm fears, soothe children to sleep, bandage boo-boos and love unconditionally. And then, one year later, on the DAY of Jack’s adoption finalization, we got another call.
You guessed it. It was the hospital again. Ella and Jack's birth mother had given birth to another baby boy, and he also needed us. This time we had 24 hours to make a decision, but it took us even less time than before to unequivocally say yes. This baby was born almost exactly one year after his brother, but was not able to come home so soon—drug exposure, underdeveloped lungs, and jaundice kept him in NICU for a week but as soon as he was physically strong enough to leave the hospital, we went and got him too. After several weeks of medical treatment at home, Max's issues resolved and he is now a strong, beautiful child—like his brother and sister.
We middle-aged dads, Daddy and Poppy, found ourselves in the best years of our lives: three beautiful young children and a very happy and exciting future before us. I went to work and Dan stayed home with our children. A stay-at-home dad during the week and minister on the weekends, we had this whole thing figured out.
Until this summer. In July we embarked on an epic road trip to Montana to visit our kids’ grandpa and have a summer camping adventure with some of their cousins. Along the way, Daddy (who has been a fulltime stay-home dad since Jack was born) began to feel severe pain in his neck and head and became increasingly fatigued. We tried spa massages, pain killers, and rest to help him feel better, but the pain and fatigue continued—nothing we could think of made him feel better.
Finally, on the way home, we stopped at an emergency room in Spokane, Washington. There they discovered that Dan has an advanced brain cancer—two large tumors and two small tumors on his brain had been causing his pain and fatigue. The doctors did not believe it was safe to go home—not by car or by plane—so he had emergency brain surgery in Spokane.
My blessed sister came and drove the kids home while I stayed in Spokane with Dan until he could heal enough to travel. Two weeks later and barely able to speak, we finally made it back to Oakland by air ambulance.
On Friday, August 14, about six weeks after leaving for vacation, baby Max’s adoption was finalized by a Judge from Dan's hospital room via FaceTime, and plans were made for Daddy to come home to hospice care—the definition of a bittersweet day.
Dan's prognosis is not good. He has already lived longer than anyone thought he would but his time with us is short. Nevertheless, he is home and our family is reunited— we are all living together in our own home. In his last few days with us, the kids and I are showering him with love, and hoping and trusting that hearing and feeling the thump of life that is three young kids laughing, crying, fighting, and playing together will be a balm to him and make his last days and moments a blissful experience—one to carry him into his next realm.
Friends, these children have already been through so much, and are about to lose a parent. Ella is 7, Jack is 2 and Max is 1. And because Dan was the full-time stay-at-home parent, Darin has had to figure out childcare options for all three children. He is facing the reality of losing his spouse, and raising three young children as a single dad. Dan's monthly income was about $5,000, and the family is going to lose that as well. Darin is 100% dedicated to figuring it out and making it work, but it sure would take some of the burden off to have some financial stability. Please consider helping in any way you can. You will absolutely be making a difference in their lives. With love and appreciation,
Gigi
UPDATE 9-13-15:
Hi friends -
The outpouring of love and support for Dan and Darin has been overwhelming. Just wanted to post an update to let everyone know that Darin has been reading all of the messages to Dan and your warm wishes and prayers are brightening everyone's spirits. Thank you for showing Dan and his family the myriad ways in which the human spirit brings light to life. Please know that all of your support is so very appreciated, and is something Dan, Darin and the kids will be able to carry for their entire lives. Keep them coming. With much love and appreciation,
Gigi
UPDATE 9-18-15
Friends -
Thought you'd all like to know that your thoughts, prayers, love and support are being felt by the whole family. Dan had an amazing four days over the weekend. He was alert and energetic and had good times with his family and friends who could visit. It is a joyous time to be with Dan. Thank you for the infusion of prayers and generosity that certainly created an aura of love and support that helped Dan know that his kids' future will be brightened by his legacy. Yesterday, Dan rested comfortably (catching up on his sleep) and today is more alert again but still sleepy and as always, offering his beautiful smile. Keep the messages coming, and keep spreading the word. This family deserves it. Much love,
Gigi
UPDATE 9-22-15
Friends! We made it to our original goal of $50,000 in just 10 days! What a remarkable feat and a symbol of the love for Dan and his family. From the smallest gift of $6 to the largest of $1500, our community has come together to show Dan and his family how much they are loved and supported.
After hearing from more than one donor and friend that the goal could be raised to ensure Dan's family is secure, we decided to raise the goal to $75,000. Please consider re-posting the link to your FB and sending notes to your friends. You don't have to know Dan to want to help. Many of the donations are anonymous and some comments even state that they are strangers or people who only know of this family but have never met them. What a tribute to love.
Darin discovered that a website created for Dan's ordination is still up, and he wants to share it with you so you can read some of the sermons Dan delivered during his time serving the Arlington Street Church in Boston. Here's the link: http://dankaneordination.net. You will definitely want to read his sermon, Let Love Be My Legacy (http://dankaneordination.net/LetLoveBeMyLegacy.pdf). You will read in Dan's own words exactly what you have shown by your donation--that Love IS Dan's legacy.
And that legacy, along with your prayers and good wishes, is making Dan strong. He is eating and drinking and being more alert than he has been in a month. The arc of his disease process can't be stopped but he is, for now, still enjoying cuddles from his kids and sharing his good humor.
Lastly here is a recent photo taken with Dan, on the Healing Quilt from the First Unitarian Church of Oakland. Thank you everyone for your support.
UPDATE: 10-6-15
It is with a heavy heart that I write to let you know we lost Dan this morning. Though his spirit will live on, he will be deeply missed. Thanks to everyone who helped make his last few weeks so meaningful and for the love that lifted him, Darin, and the kids up. Keep the good thoughts coming. ❤️
Organisateur
Darin Jensen
Organisateur
Oakland, CA
