Putting Pride Aside... Reaching Out.

I don't know where to begin... but 2016 kicked us in the teeth.

We started out hopeful. We had gotten raises and promotions and felt we were on the road to being financially set. We were working hard, still paycheck to paycheck, but with enough to save a little and enjoy life.

And then in June, Jay lost his job at Payless. He made about $5 an hour more than I did. We had so many responsibilities, we never told our roommates about it. We acted like everything was okay. We used our savings to pay a few small bills. But it wasn't enough.

I pulled out a few loans, one of which I am being sued for not being able to pay back. I was granted access to use my company's amazing employee assistance program to pay the rent in August. And I borrowed money from friends I still have yet to fully pay back. We never asked our family or non-work friends for help. We were Ashamed. One of my co-workers even paid our power bill for the month.

In late August, Jay got another job. We were back on track and back to paying bills regularly. Not able to save anything though, due to those stupid freaking loans I pulled out. But it was better than it was for those single paycheck weeks.

Mid Fall brought about the loss of Jays' grandmother, Beverly. She was a fierce woman and remarkable source of energy. We are still realing from the loss.

While this was all going on, Jay discovered HR issues at his current job he couldn't ignore. He felt hostility from his immediate supervisor and fellow managers. 3 other managers were pushed out during his stay there. And he felt there was other suspicious activity, so he called his HR representative and his Regional Manager.

Almost immediately, he felt backlash. The company came to him about six separate issues they had with him, none that can be verified, including that I had stayed after hours with him and helped clean up the store. Which never once happened.

They succeeded in causing enough reasonable doubt about him, he was let go two days before Christmas. 2016 was letting us know it was taking us down with it. We hadn't caught up on our immediate debt, didn't do anything for Christmas, or tell anyone once again. We were also told the house we are renting was being sold and given a 60 day notice to move.

Jay has had a few interviews since, the snow pushed some back a week, which put us behind a week. But he will be empoyed again shortly. But we got a final kick in the pants this week. Our banking account is in the negative after paying our bills, so I elected to be sent a paper check for now so we could survive. I didn't do something right when deleting my direct deposit, so I'm not getting a paper check. Which means we won't have much until my next paycheck.

We have kept so much to ourselves. We didn't want to burden anyone with our bullshit. Adulting sucks, and many people in our lives have it worse. We arent just complaining about how hard the year is. We are finally to a point where if We don't ask for help... We won't have a place anymore.

There is hope in all of this. Jay was left some money from his Grandmother, and it's Tax season. All of that money is still 30 or so days away.... just in time to move, but not in time to keep us able to commute to work and interviews, pay important bills like rent, or eat. So not all is lost.

I figured if we just got over my fear, shame, and pride, and asked for help, it could connect us to people who have wondered about our lack of presence on social media.. or in real life. We haven't known how to reach out or talk to anyone about this. We only relied on each other to get ourselves over this. But we cut out most other people over fear of losing their respect.

For most people who are reading this... the next statement may come as a surprise to you. But transparecy is key for me in this posting. My biggest fear, My biggest Phobia in my entire life, is having to return to the sex trade to survive. I was a prostitute for 7 years before I met Jay, and the trauma I experienced during that time haunts me every single day. The more broke we get, the more anxious I get. The more paranoid I get. Couple that with being naturally depressed.. it hasn't emotionally or mentally been the best time for me.

If everyone who reads this helped with just $2 to $5, it would be enough to help sustain us until help finally gets here. Jay will get a job. The money left by Jays' Grandmother will be issued. Taxes will be returned. But not in time for us to remain healthy and sheltered. If you can't donate... please share on Social Media for us.

For those who don't know us and donate... thanks for showing some compassion.

For those who do know us, and either donate or share this, thank you. From the bottom of our hearts.

And for those who are offended by us asking for monetary help when we haven't been in contact in awhile. I'm sorry. I can't blame anything but myself for being a bad friend. I'm sorry I've let myself become distant. I'm sorry for ignoring you. Just know the person that I was most distant and ignoring was myself. Ourselves.

To every single person who reads this... I hope you don't judge the tacklessness of our approach. We didn't know What else to do. We felt like this was a last resort. Please be empathetic and refrain from judgement.

2017 is going to be different. I have hope even on my darkest days. I vow to be a better person to those who still want me in their life.

I love all of you so much.

Lu'kas