COLLEGE FUND FOR A SAD SAD COLLEGE KID

Hello everybody! I'm Patrick, a second year English major at the University of California, Irvine. My interests include eating, eating, eating, reading, pizza, eating, eating, and eating. I am a beautiful human being. I have a fear of heights, cockroaches, Nickelback and Walmart. I have an unhealthy relationship with The Lord of the Rings. My favorite two people are myself and nobody. On Facebook, I am in a relationship with Bacon (and it's complicated). But in all seriousness, college is expensive. So when I'm not sobbing miserably in a corner alone with ever tear rolling down my cheek representing my fading youth, I'm actually a very dedicated and hardworking student. I don't have a debilitating disease. I don't have an eleventh toe. My family is not poor. I am not balding. I do not need to use Proactiv. I will not pretend as if my life is a train wreck because I have honestly enjoyed every minute of it. But still, with rising costs of tuition, textbooks, gas, and the negative effects of global warming on my fair Asian complexion, college is not cheap. I am middle class. I don't get any financial aid whatsoever even though I need it. GET ON THAT EDUCATION REFORM, CALIFORNIA! So if you're rich enough to spare some pocket change, please contribute to my education. One day, when I become the proud owner of my own summer camp that teaches young teens the elusive art of misanthropy, I promise I will let your kid in for free. So please, donate. No hard feelings if you don't--there are obviously more worthy causes out there. But if you're in the 1% and/or a high stakes poker player and/or a bank robber and/or Donald Draper and/or Warren Buffet...'s secret love child, come on, you might as well. The world is supposedly going to end in 2012 anyways. What good would money be to you then?