Help Needed In Desperate Situation
Donation protected
The beginning of this story, you have heard already. Skip to about halfway down and begin reading from there to understand the hell that I have been thrust into. At the start of paragraph 7, you will begin to see the picture of nightmare I am currently forced to endure. Please, this situation is NOT sustainable. I do not know how long I can keep this up. ...I need your help.
My friends are encouraging me to create this GoFundMe page. I have never been comfortable asking for monetary help. However, since I have so few options left to me and I am in a terrible financial situation, I have finally caved to create this page.
Last spring, 2017, I had a roommate who was arrested for abuse and assault against myself. I spent the next several months trying to rewrite my memories from the abusive manipulation I was under. My perceptions at the time of living with that roommate were very different than what reality actually was. I still sometimes wake up in a cold sweat, filled with terror from a nightmare of some of those experiences. I managed I overcome most of that horrible situation, but, admittedly, it's still a work in progress.
Then, on May 31, 2017, I was in a bad car accident that totaled my car and left me in fairly bad shape, physically. My concussion from the accident was so severe, that I could barely remember my own name. I could not tell the police officer that arrived who the president was, and I had no memory of what happened. The police officer who arrived on the scene could not tell from the evidence of the accident who was responsible. However, the other driver was apparently very lucid and suffered no such concussion. As I was still without any memory of what happened, the insurance companies hashed it out and placed the blame for the accident on me. It wasn’t until weeks later, when I finally regained all my memories from the accident, as well as much of my cognitive reasoning and communication skills, that I realized – all too late – that the accident was in no way my fault. I tried calling my insurance company, but by then, there was nothing I could do. So, that situation left me without a car, and left me with injuries that I still suffer from to this day.
I managed to get through the summer, living on my own, much in thanks to one of my clients, whose children I had been babysitting since the previous September. My client allowed me the use of their minivan during those summer months that I continued to look after the two children that became very dear to my heart. However, in July, I realized that the money I would be making (or not making) once the summer ended would not be enough to sustain me with my current living expenses. So, I made a hard decision (I do not take such things lightly) and in August, I moved in with my boyfriend and his 4-year-old son in Westerly. At the end of the summer, as promised, I returned the minivan to my client, and heartbreakingly said goodbye to the two children I’d then looked after for an entire year. Unfortunately, with the money I was making that summer, I could barely cover the cost of my rent, so I had no chance to find another car.
September found me living in Westerly with my boyfriend and his son, with no car, and no job. I’ve learned the hard way that it is terribly hard to find a job without a car, and completely impossible to get a car without a job. Additionally, because of the injuries I sustained from the accident back in May, I can no longer walk for any great distances – so even working someplace somewhat within walking distance for a healthy person, was out of the question for me. I felt so trapped, and a terrible depression snuck up on me without my even realizing it.
Currently, I am doing absolutely everything I can to find a job that works with what very limited transportation options I have, as well as selling anything of mine – any of my possessions, or artwork that I can create to sell – to try and get by from day to day just for living expenses. I no longer live with my now ex-boyfriend and his 4-year-old (soon to be 5), whom I feel is my son as well; for I have done SO much for him in the nearly year I have lived with him and become his second mom. He does...did call me "mommy," on occasion, and far more frequently in the last weeks before a bad breakup. I miss "my," son with ALL of my heart every moment of every day.
I now find myself in a WORSE crisis than before, on top of the ceaseless heartache I feel for the "son," I have lost, and the emotional abuse I suffer from my ex (the suffering continues as I cannot help myself from wanted to see whom I think of my as son whenever I can (so far about 1-2 times every other week), and I do want to be there to help celebrate his birthday.... I will not be allowed to attend his actual birthday party, or even the family celebration - even though I have always been nothing but kind and caring towards my ex's family, they have completely exiled me and wish no further contact. Even though the last time my ex temporarily broke up with me, they offered quite the opposite. I do not know what has changed, but I do find it painful to find more and more people who wish only to have nothing more to do with me.... Especially people I have cared about so deeply and for so long now.
So now I find myself in a WORSE situation - no home, no stability, no job, no car, and a financial nightmare bigger than I can handle and not panic.
I would love nothing more than be working again. And I am putting ALL of my efforts into finding a job. I am beginning to feel hopeful of employment before long. But other questions remain - how will I get there? I have no reliable means of transportation. I also have no stable place to stay. I am VERY thankful to those friends who have been able to put me up for a night or two, or who have pointed me in helpful directions for finding housing (I am currently on a waiting list for housing, although I am told it might be years before anything is available, so sadly, I cannot rely on that). I have stayed in group housing a time or two. I have slept outside, under bridges and in abandoned houses here and there as well. I stay with a family member when I am able. My mother, who has been as supportive and helpful as she can be, given her own situation, has lent me the use of her car, which I have slept in on a number of nights. I am very thankful to her for that.
With this unstable - and sometimes even dangerous - sleeping situation, I find myself constantly exhausted because I cannot sleep most nights; out of fear on those nights I have no alternative but to sleep outside, no thanks to the reasons that have put that have given me cause to fear. I cannot sleep for the nightmares that I have because of those situations I have found myself in at night where I was made to fear for my safety. And also simply, because I often do not know in the morning where I will be sleeping that night. This inconsistency makes it very hard for me to sleep. And I have, unfortunately, had trouble sleeping almost all my life.
Additionally, this unstable lack of a base of operations makes it VERY difficult to move forward on the things I need to do to get me OUT of this nightmare situation. I am so exhausted each day and so emotionally used up that some days it's all I can do to figure out where I will be sleeping (or not) that night. THIS IS NOT SUSTAINABLE.
And I have no way of generating much to any income during this hellish situation I have found myself dumped in.
So PLEASE, as much as I feel uncomfortable asking this...I NEED YOUR HELP. I am doing ALL that I can. But I need help just to get by from day to day. Just a little help here and there to put gas in my mother's car that I am sometimes able to borrow - to sleep in, and to travel to find jobs in (I walk to most places). Just to buy necessary items for survival, as well as personal hygiene items so that I can look good for an interview - for next to finding a place to sleep, getting a job is my primary concern and my goal.
So, in creating this GoFundMe page, as encouraged by my friends, I am asking you and anyone you know if you would be willing to help me get through this terrible crisis that I have had the worst luck in falling into. I really do feel that if I could find a little stability - have a little help to get me by for a little while until SOMETHING breaks - something MUST work out. After I get to that point - a point where something somewhere finally works out and I have SOME form of stability - then I could do the rest to make everything else work out. But I need help. With how things currently stand, I feel like I am at the bottom of a well, treading water, I am very, very tired. If you would please consider helping me, by donating to my page, I promise I would use those funds wisely to get through this nightmare situation. To find a way to GET BACK ON MY OWN TWO FEET again. I have ALWAYS valued my independence; and this situation has completely robbed me so something I feel is integral to who I am. I want nothing more than to get it back. Anything that anyone could possibly offer to my cause during this incredibly difficult time, would be appreciated more than I can think of to express in words. I would be eternally grateful for any and all donations. Truly. Again, I have never been comfortable asking for monetary assistance, but here I am. I am asking for your help. Please, help me get through this situation.
Sincerely,
Amanda
My friends are encouraging me to create this GoFundMe page. I have never been comfortable asking for monetary help. However, since I have so few options left to me and I am in a terrible financial situation, I have finally caved to create this page.
Last spring, 2017, I had a roommate who was arrested for abuse and assault against myself. I spent the next several months trying to rewrite my memories from the abusive manipulation I was under. My perceptions at the time of living with that roommate were very different than what reality actually was. I still sometimes wake up in a cold sweat, filled with terror from a nightmare of some of those experiences. I managed I overcome most of that horrible situation, but, admittedly, it's still a work in progress.
Then, on May 31, 2017, I was in a bad car accident that totaled my car and left me in fairly bad shape, physically. My concussion from the accident was so severe, that I could barely remember my own name. I could not tell the police officer that arrived who the president was, and I had no memory of what happened. The police officer who arrived on the scene could not tell from the evidence of the accident who was responsible. However, the other driver was apparently very lucid and suffered no such concussion. As I was still without any memory of what happened, the insurance companies hashed it out and placed the blame for the accident on me. It wasn’t until weeks later, when I finally regained all my memories from the accident, as well as much of my cognitive reasoning and communication skills, that I realized – all too late – that the accident was in no way my fault. I tried calling my insurance company, but by then, there was nothing I could do. So, that situation left me without a car, and left me with injuries that I still suffer from to this day.
I managed to get through the summer, living on my own, much in thanks to one of my clients, whose children I had been babysitting since the previous September. My client allowed me the use of their minivan during those summer months that I continued to look after the two children that became very dear to my heart. However, in July, I realized that the money I would be making (or not making) once the summer ended would not be enough to sustain me with my current living expenses. So, I made a hard decision (I do not take such things lightly) and in August, I moved in with my boyfriend and his 4-year-old son in Westerly. At the end of the summer, as promised, I returned the minivan to my client, and heartbreakingly said goodbye to the two children I’d then looked after for an entire year. Unfortunately, with the money I was making that summer, I could barely cover the cost of my rent, so I had no chance to find another car.
September found me living in Westerly with my boyfriend and his son, with no car, and no job. I’ve learned the hard way that it is terribly hard to find a job without a car, and completely impossible to get a car without a job. Additionally, because of the injuries I sustained from the accident back in May, I can no longer walk for any great distances – so even working someplace somewhat within walking distance for a healthy person, was out of the question for me. I felt so trapped, and a terrible depression snuck up on me without my even realizing it.
Currently, I am doing absolutely everything I can to find a job that works with what very limited transportation options I have, as well as selling anything of mine – any of my possessions, or artwork that I can create to sell – to try and get by from day to day just for living expenses. I no longer live with my now ex-boyfriend and his 4-year-old (soon to be 5), whom I feel is my son as well; for I have done SO much for him in the nearly year I have lived with him and become his second mom. He does...did call me "mommy," on occasion, and far more frequently in the last weeks before a bad breakup. I miss "my," son with ALL of my heart every moment of every day.
I now find myself in a WORSE crisis than before, on top of the ceaseless heartache I feel for the "son," I have lost, and the emotional abuse I suffer from my ex (the suffering continues as I cannot help myself from wanted to see whom I think of my as son whenever I can (so far about 1-2 times every other week), and I do want to be there to help celebrate his birthday.... I will not be allowed to attend his actual birthday party, or even the family celebration - even though I have always been nothing but kind and caring towards my ex's family, they have completely exiled me and wish no further contact. Even though the last time my ex temporarily broke up with me, they offered quite the opposite. I do not know what has changed, but I do find it painful to find more and more people who wish only to have nothing more to do with me.... Especially people I have cared about so deeply and for so long now.
So now I find myself in a WORSE situation - no home, no stability, no job, no car, and a financial nightmare bigger than I can handle and not panic.
I would love nothing more than be working again. And I am putting ALL of my efforts into finding a job. I am beginning to feel hopeful of employment before long. But other questions remain - how will I get there? I have no reliable means of transportation. I also have no stable place to stay. I am VERY thankful to those friends who have been able to put me up for a night or two, or who have pointed me in helpful directions for finding housing (I am currently on a waiting list for housing, although I am told it might be years before anything is available, so sadly, I cannot rely on that). I have stayed in group housing a time or two. I have slept outside, under bridges and in abandoned houses here and there as well. I stay with a family member when I am able. My mother, who has been as supportive and helpful as she can be, given her own situation, has lent me the use of her car, which I have slept in on a number of nights. I am very thankful to her for that.
With this unstable - and sometimes even dangerous - sleeping situation, I find myself constantly exhausted because I cannot sleep most nights; out of fear on those nights I have no alternative but to sleep outside, no thanks to the reasons that have put that have given me cause to fear. I cannot sleep for the nightmares that I have because of those situations I have found myself in at night where I was made to fear for my safety. And also simply, because I often do not know in the morning where I will be sleeping that night. This inconsistency makes it very hard for me to sleep. And I have, unfortunately, had trouble sleeping almost all my life.
Additionally, this unstable lack of a base of operations makes it VERY difficult to move forward on the things I need to do to get me OUT of this nightmare situation. I am so exhausted each day and so emotionally used up that some days it's all I can do to figure out where I will be sleeping (or not) that night. THIS IS NOT SUSTAINABLE.
And I have no way of generating much to any income during this hellish situation I have found myself dumped in.
So PLEASE, as much as I feel uncomfortable asking this...I NEED YOUR HELP. I am doing ALL that I can. But I need help just to get by from day to day. Just a little help here and there to put gas in my mother's car that I am sometimes able to borrow - to sleep in, and to travel to find jobs in (I walk to most places). Just to buy necessary items for survival, as well as personal hygiene items so that I can look good for an interview - for next to finding a place to sleep, getting a job is my primary concern and my goal.
So, in creating this GoFundMe page, as encouraged by my friends, I am asking you and anyone you know if you would be willing to help me get through this terrible crisis that I have had the worst luck in falling into. I really do feel that if I could find a little stability - have a little help to get me by for a little while until SOMETHING breaks - something MUST work out. After I get to that point - a point where something somewhere finally works out and I have SOME form of stability - then I could do the rest to make everything else work out. But I need help. With how things currently stand, I feel like I am at the bottom of a well, treading water, I am very, very tired. If you would please consider helping me, by donating to my page, I promise I would use those funds wisely to get through this nightmare situation. To find a way to GET BACK ON MY OWN TWO FEET again. I have ALWAYS valued my independence; and this situation has completely robbed me so something I feel is integral to who I am. I want nothing more than to get it back. Anything that anyone could possibly offer to my cause during this incredibly difficult time, would be appreciated more than I can think of to express in words. I would be eternally grateful for any and all donations. Truly. Again, I have never been comfortable asking for monetary assistance, but here I am. I am asking for your help. Please, help me get through this situation.
Sincerely,
Amanda
Organizer
Amanda Myers
Organizer
Westerly, RI
