Follow a Calling: college tuition

Hi, I’m Ashley Brown. I created this page to help raise the left over money I owe to my college, so I can try to remain following God’s call on my life.  My dream is to do something in ministry and theology.  I hope to be a missionary for a little bit after I get my masters in Theology and then I plan on going on to get my doctorate in Theology and become a college professor in my field. There is no other field of study I can say I would be happy in doing other than Theology. If I can’t study and work in that field I don’t see the point in continuing my education. This is one of the things I am most passionate about and have the most conviction in and doing anything else would not bring me as much joy. However, I trust that God will come through for me and work everything out to my good (Romans 8:28).  

If there is one thing I have learned recently is that there is always hope. Even if darkness is all someone can see, there is still hope and things will get better. In January of this year I transferred to Saint Leo University from a community college to study theology. To make my new transition from being away from home more stressful, in February of 2014 I was officially diagnosed with moderate grade clinical depression. The experts believed it is mostly caused by my genetics since there wasn’t a reason for why I really felt the way I did.  This means my brain had a chemical inbalance, basically my brain chemistry was not working right.This experience was really rough and very hard for me. I can’t say when it exactly started, but in October of 2013 I knew something was wrong when I got an urge to cut myself.  In my depression, as depression is different for everyone, I had cognitive depressive distortions, intrusive suicidal thoughts, and self-harm urges. I would also cry almost every day and my boyfriend even notes I was very anti-social during that semester and hid in my room a lot.  In addition, my mind started asking questions that had no answer. I kept trying to find what the point was in this thing called life and why it seemed like such a waste of time to me, this my therapist said was a sign I had moderate grade depression. I felt like every day I was just dragging myself through the mud trying to just get through each day. In the course of my battle with depression, I was determined not to let this Illness beat me. My struggle lessened significantly once the doctors found the right medication in August. In six weeks I started to feel like myself again and everyday wasn’t a struggle anymore.

In the wake of being at Saint Leo University, I met some awesome friends. These friends began to notice certain things about me before I was officially diagnosed and before I told them the reason I kept having so many doctor’s appointments.  These close new friends that I made accepted me for how I was at the time. During this point in my life I was not myself, and these people accepted me for who I was. In a way, I found another family at college. These people I consider to be the comfort of God mentioned in 2 Corinthians 1:3-7. God sent them to be comfort to me in my time of need and confusion. Without them there to listen to me, and also my counselor too, when I would get lost in the darkness of depression and in the mental deceptions, I can’t say for sure if I would still be here. These five or so individuals really mean a lot to me for being there for me. It shows that God really works in subtle ways and He never forsakes us even in our time of need.

Academically, I was determined not to allow my grades to slip because of the development of this illness. One symptom listed generally is a drop in a student’s grades, however I was determined not to let that happened.  I was very proud of myself when the summer came and I got a letter congratulating me on making the Dean’s List for the spring semester. It was great relief to me and all the stress, hard work, and lack of sleep had paid off. I have a feeling though I was only able to achieve that goal with God’s help in my life at the time.


One day, I hope that I can be this help to others and be the help that God sends another in their time of need. I hope one day to love people that need it the most and show them God’s all-consuming and passionate love. I want to share His love more desperately now after my experience with clinical depression, because I know what it’s like to feel broken and unloved. I want to be the hands and feet of Jesus to people who may feel like that. I just need your help to make my dream and calling a reality.

You may ask, are my parents helping me? Yes, they have exhausted their savings helping me  with college the past two and half years. They have helped me attain student loans, as well as, parent loans. However, an unexpected situation with Financial Aid has come up this semester and I'm not sure how I will get the money to continue my education. I sincerely ask for your help to make my calling and dream a reality.