Bear doesn't know we're not married?
Donazione protetta
I heard from his granddad this week that Bear had no idea(!) that Tim and I aren't married. It makes me beam"”just beyond elated"”that he doesn't see any difference between the everyday-love we have in our house and the families he sees at school or in movies. But it's simultaneously sort of heart-rending.
It's true; Tim and I aren't actually married. And most days that's pretty ok for both of us. We have the love, joy, and family that a marriage brings, even if we didn't get to have a ceremony, or throw a big party to celebrate embarking on it. We love each other and Bear and that's REALLY, truly all that matters. We both trust that one day our dream might come true, and we're ok with waiting.
But to get specific, what we're really waiting on is Tim's.....shhhh.....are you ready? it's a really unpleasant word......
Divorce.
And we're not "waiting" so much as enduring a very scary storm without so much as a raincoat. The raincoat in this really superb analogy I just crafted (sorry, I'm not much of a writer guyz!) is an attorney"”someone to help us make sense of it all, to move things forward, to protect us, and to help us advocate fairly for our family. Someone to ensure that the needs on BOTH sides are met as kindly, completely, and objectively as possible. To ensure our worst fears don't come true, that our little family isn't turned upsidedown, torn apart, or made even more financially crippled than now.
Y'all, I understand if you've been hovering on the little "x" in the upper righthand corner ever since I said the word divorce"”it's an ugly word and even uglier experience. Even just reading the word makes me recoil, evokes feelings of failure, and shame and taboo. Divorce is something that happens in private, that you're not supposed to share with others.
We have to share, because we have to ask for your help in jumping this first hurdle standing in front of our fledgling family. Financing a divorce is not something we can afford on our own. And the alternative is terrifying: enduring a legal battle with no representation.
Tim and I have wavered, discussing if it was a good idea to post this information online, to let the world into this scary and difficult experience we're navigating. Will anyone care? Will they feel it's in poor taste to talk about something so private? Or to ask for help? Will it turn people off? Turn people away? Open us up to hate or criticism?
Here's what I think about sharing difficult experiences with your community, or asking for help: When we have a particularly exhausting, vulnerable, or terrifying "divorce day," I try to imagine the love and happiness of our everyday life together as a bubble. Our bubble protects us. Our bubble will still be here long after all of this is over. I have to hope that the choice to invite our friends, family and community to be a part our "bubble" will only make it stronger. We simply can't do this without your support.
Finances are only a part of this"”if you have words of encouragement, suggestions or personal experiences to share we welcome them! We also ask for your understanding. If we have to decline weekend plans, or an invite out to dinner to save attorney money, please know we'd still love to see you and do something fun for free. If we seem anxious or stressed at work, you'll know why. Your support and understanding means everything to us. Thank you.
Maybe one day when this is over we can all celebrate at a wedding or something. <3
It's true; Tim and I aren't actually married. And most days that's pretty ok for both of us. We have the love, joy, and family that a marriage brings, even if we didn't get to have a ceremony, or throw a big party to celebrate embarking on it. We love each other and Bear and that's REALLY, truly all that matters. We both trust that one day our dream might come true, and we're ok with waiting.
But to get specific, what we're really waiting on is Tim's.....shhhh.....are you ready? it's a really unpleasant word......
Divorce.
And we're not "waiting" so much as enduring a very scary storm without so much as a raincoat. The raincoat in this really superb analogy I just crafted (sorry, I'm not much of a writer guyz!) is an attorney"”someone to help us make sense of it all, to move things forward, to protect us, and to help us advocate fairly for our family. Someone to ensure that the needs on BOTH sides are met as kindly, completely, and objectively as possible. To ensure our worst fears don't come true, that our little family isn't turned upsidedown, torn apart, or made even more financially crippled than now.
Y'all, I understand if you've been hovering on the little "x" in the upper righthand corner ever since I said the word divorce"”it's an ugly word and even uglier experience. Even just reading the word makes me recoil, evokes feelings of failure, and shame and taboo. Divorce is something that happens in private, that you're not supposed to share with others.
We have to share, because we have to ask for your help in jumping this first hurdle standing in front of our fledgling family. Financing a divorce is not something we can afford on our own. And the alternative is terrifying: enduring a legal battle with no representation.
Tim and I have wavered, discussing if it was a good idea to post this information online, to let the world into this scary and difficult experience we're navigating. Will anyone care? Will they feel it's in poor taste to talk about something so private? Or to ask for help? Will it turn people off? Turn people away? Open us up to hate or criticism?
Here's what I think about sharing difficult experiences with your community, or asking for help: When we have a particularly exhausting, vulnerable, or terrifying "divorce day," I try to imagine the love and happiness of our everyday life together as a bubble. Our bubble protects us. Our bubble will still be here long after all of this is over. I have to hope that the choice to invite our friends, family and community to be a part our "bubble" will only make it stronger. We simply can't do this without your support.
Finances are only a part of this"”if you have words of encouragement, suggestions or personal experiences to share we welcome them! We also ask for your understanding. If we have to decline weekend plans, or an invite out to dinner to save attorney money, please know we'd still love to see you and do something fun for free. If we seem anxious or stressed at work, you'll know why. Your support and understanding means everything to us. Thank you.
Maybe one day when this is over we can all celebrate at a wedding or something. <3
Organizzatore
Katie Shamp
Organizzatore
Gaithersburg, MD
