A Vital Move To #AlwaysKeepFighting

While a lot of thought went into what I’ve shared below, and I do hope you’ll read it, for those with limited time – and/or patience – I offer you a condensed summary of what my GoFundMe is about:::

Raising $ to pay for a move I can’t afford yet need to make.
Battling severe depression, physically a wreck. Making a HUGE move – not merely a relocation but changes meant to save my life.
I’ve written charity!fic in the Supernatural fandom to raise money for various causes. Have boosted the signal/pimped posts/ReTweeted for many others seeking help. Now, I’m the one in need.


~~~ ~~~ ~~~



A couple of months ago this amazing, kind, funny, generous, handsome, talented, human-puppy of a man with a heart proportionate to the rest of his size, stood up for a cause that is incredibly personal to me. Jared Padalecki, a beautiful soul whom I already loved and adored beyond words, joined the fight to end the stigma that is associated with depression, mental illness, and addiction.
Amid his (and later, Jensen Ackles joining him) campaigns to raise money and awareness, he encouraged us to share our stories, to not be ashamed, and above all to Always Keep Fighting.
Without Jared's – and Jensen's – encouragement amid their efforts, without Jared's courage in sharing his own struggles and asking for help when he needed it, I don't believe I'd ever have found the courage to share my own struggles and ask for the help I need by putting this page up.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

“This goes back to the real-life thing we're talking about – when you bottle it up, when you try to go it alone … the consequences can be pretty detrimental. It's a great thing to have a support system of people willing to fight with you and fight for you. You just really need to allow that to happen.” ~Jensen Ackles

Jensen's right. Nearly 15years of moderate to severe reclusiveness – of shirking away from building any sort of significant support system – has only lead me to where I am now...sinking. And fast.


I wasn't diagnosed as bipolar until I was 20 (though I wanted help before then my mother wouldn't allow it while under her roof), but upon receiving the diagnosis it was easy enough to look back and realize I'd had the illness all of my life. In my late-20's it took a turn for the worse and left me disabled.
I'm one of those where meds equal much badness. Therapy kept me alive, and semi-functioning. Better therapy eventually led me to realize that although I was in fact permanently disabled, my illness did NOT equal worthless (no matter what the depression tells me!). That it was possible to learn to cope with my illness, and with some focused effort I could still make a content life for myself beyond a mere existence.

A few years back, I started to rebuild an actual life. It was a slow journey but I was getting there. Then my world flipped upside down, and with so much stripped away I couldn't maintain the progress I'd made. I began to draw back again, and when my living situation changed I was cut off even further...too much so. It's slowly been killing me, my health – both physical and mental – on a steady decline.

For the last two years I've lived in a tiny 'burg with no car. I'm 20 minutes from affordable shopping, health care, and any potential for meaningful socialization that doesn't involve a screen, keyboard, and wi-fi.
I've lost track of how many times I've gone without things I needed, or had to cancel medical appointments due to the lack of a ride.
Over the years I've learned how to hang on tight and “ride out” my depressions, but being cut off like I am often leads to a feeling of being trapped during the darker episodes and...well, it makes for a far scarier “ride”. The kind I'm not always certain I'll survive.


Fast forward through all the “whos/whats/whens/wheres/whys/hows” to a solution::: move to upstate New York.
The location I've decided on is ideal, 2 very good friends living in the area, and nearly everything I need (and even want) centralized and easy to get to by foot/bike or bus/taxi. I'm on a list for affordable housing. Once that comes through...it'll have been over 20years since I've had such a positive and stable living situation.
This isn't a magic fix, but it does give me a good foundation along with ample opportunities and resources to help me make my way towards a content and fulfilling life.

All that being said, making this move is not something I'm financially prepared to do. Thing of it is though, I never will be.

Until last week, I didn't even have a temporary place to live in NY until my name comes up on the list for the other. That was... I'll just say “stressful” isn't a strong enough word. Thanks to God, my incredible friend Rachel, and a fantastic woman in NY, I now have a place lined up. It's in a good location, and I can afford it – a combination that was nearly impossible to find.

As it stands, my biggest problem is that I can't afford to move my belongings.
I have a U-Haul reserved for August. The rental, mileage, and gas comes to apx. $1,500. I'll have maybe $400 of that.

I've already settled on a Plan B, which is putting everything in storage but for what I'm allowed for luggage and take the train to NY, then raise the money I need and come back next spring/summer to move my things then.

Thus, we come to the “fund me” part of this, aka: Anna sucking it up and asking for help.


Someone told me I should make my goal $5,000. Not that it wouldn't be massively helpful and definitely put to good use, I didn't want to be greedy. I did decide on more than just the cost of the U-Haul however, and here is the breakdown of where the money will go:

~ Shipping certain things that are beyond my luggage limits, but I’ll need before next year. (clothes, shoes, linens, kitchen/bathroom items)

~ Travel back to Iowa next year.

~ Moving help on the Iowa end.

~ U-Haul rental/travel back to NY. (I'll need a motel for one night.)

~ Furnishings. Other than a few odds & ends, I don't have any. I need a bed ASAP! Then, once I get my place, things like a sofa, kitchen table, etc. would be helpful. Some additional housewares – dishes, cookware, microwave, kitchen appliances – would be nice too. (Who am I kidding? A microwave will be a must! LOL)


If I can somehow manage to raise enough before mid-July (when I'd want to confirm my U-Haul reservation by, or cancel it and reserve my train ticket), that would be utterly fantastic! If not, I can be okay with that too, and keep on with the hoping & praying that I can at least raise it by next year.


My endeavor to #AlwaysKeepFighting has been, and will continue to be, a life long war. I understand and accept that. However I also realize – and am beginning to accept – that I don't have to do it alone.
This move and transition is one of the huge battles in that war. A few of my close friends and family members are doing what they can to fight with me, but it's going to take people fighting *FOR* me too. I need your hands – not out, but UP – to help me into this position where I can begin to heal – physically, mentally, emotionally – the best I'm able so I can start to live again.


Donations of any amount are highly appreciated (remember, just like at the checkout, the little things add up quick! lol), as is spreading the word. All prayers and/or positive vibes are exceedingly welcome too!!!

If there is an interest in updates, I can do that! Just be prepared for bluntness, cursing, photos of mass destruction (aka: the chaotic mess of my apartment while I pack), and mass quantities of attempts at humor. ;-}