Help Me Get My Teeth Fixed
Donation protected
My name is Amanda, I'm a 30 year old mother of two, and I have Bad Teeth.
Really bad. The kind of teeth that make people ask, "So which drug were you addicted to?"
I usually respond with, "I was addicted to not eating."
See, for most of my life, I've had a very unhealthy relationship with food. I've always looked "different" from everyone, and when you're a shy, self-concious little girl with frizzy red curls and odd facial angles, you will get bullied. And I did. Every day of my life until I ultimately left school early.
When the bullying started around fourth grade, I responded by throwing up everything I ate. It gave me a sense of control when I had none, and it even gave me a bit of a rush! The resulting weight loss that came long with it was nice too.
At nine years old, I shouldn't have been throwing up my food. And I was a normal size, so I shouldn't have been worrying about my weight. But I was, and I did. All the time.
As I entered middle school, the bullying worsened and so did my condition. I alternated between eating nothing and only eating in front of people, then throwing up after they'd left.
This behavior lasted until I was 26 years old. Out of 30 years of my life, 17 of them have been spent hating myself, wishing I would die, and doing irrevocable damage to my body, doing everything I could to rid it of the life-giving fuel called food.
I have kidney problems, stomach ulcers, and bad joints from the toll of starving myself and washing stomach acid over my organs daily. I still obsess over food, eating it, not eating it, having it, looking at it, cooking it.
I still have a list of foods I can't eat, but it's not for the reason you think.
My teeth are so, so damaged. They are discolored, and my lower gums have receded so badly it causes me daily pain. I constantly worry that one day a bottom tooth may pop out because the gums are so receded.
They break all the time. My back molars are almost completely gone with the roots exposed, and now I can't eat anything that isn't soft or liquid. I can't have sugar in any form -- it will spark a debilitating tooth ache that will last for hours. Sometimes it hurts so bad that I've taken to trying to pull them myself, and when I got an abcess that made the roof my mouth swell to the point of tearing skin, I had to use pushpins to pop it and get the pus out. I still have the puncture wounds in the roof of my mouth.
I have amassed around $10,000 in medical debt due to emergency room visits regarding extreme dental pain. This is because I don't have insurance. I can't afford private insurance, and the Affordable Care Act turned out to be not that affordable: I make less than $10,000 a year and I still didn't get approved for subsidies.
Besides the pain, my teeth are ruining my life. I'm afraid to smile, so people judge me as being angry. When I do smile, people start to wonder, "What's her deal?"
I've been asked outright, "So is that meth mouth?" I've been asked, "Have you ever smoked crack?" (The answer is a resounding no to both.)
My two daughters are becoming increasingly embarrassed of my mouth the older they get. They don't want me to come to their school or meet their friends.
I'm struggling to find a job other than the one part time I have now, and even though my resume and references are flawless, I'm highly experienced, and very intelligent, I can't get hired. Not at a desk, not in retail, not even in fast food or waiting tables. Because no one wants to look at my teeth.
I struggled for so long trying to find a peace with myself and my body, but it seems like it'll never come. I just want to wake up and look in the mirror and not hate myself. I just want to be able to have a day without experiencing agonizing pain in my mouth. I want to be able to eat something, anything, without first having to ask myself, "Is this going to hurt? Is it going to break another tooth?" I'm losing weight rapidly because there's so many restrictions on what I can eat, and I can't keep up with the physical demands of my job now. I'm always weak from lack of food.
I need help. I'm a bright woman with a lot of potential and a lot to give back to the world, but I can't right now, because of this thing that's holding me back. Something so small is controlling my entire life, ruining it, and affecting the lives of my children. Please, someone help me.
I'll never be able to break out of the rut I'm in unless I can finally get my teeth repaired. And after 30 years of hating myself, I just want one year where I don't. One year without mouth pain. One year where I can be judged on my personality and who I am as a person rather than these broken shards in my mouth.
I can't keep living like this.
Really bad. The kind of teeth that make people ask, "So which drug were you addicted to?"
I usually respond with, "I was addicted to not eating."
See, for most of my life, I've had a very unhealthy relationship with food. I've always looked "different" from everyone, and when you're a shy, self-concious little girl with frizzy red curls and odd facial angles, you will get bullied. And I did. Every day of my life until I ultimately left school early.
When the bullying started around fourth grade, I responded by throwing up everything I ate. It gave me a sense of control when I had none, and it even gave me a bit of a rush! The resulting weight loss that came long with it was nice too.
At nine years old, I shouldn't have been throwing up my food. And I was a normal size, so I shouldn't have been worrying about my weight. But I was, and I did. All the time.
As I entered middle school, the bullying worsened and so did my condition. I alternated between eating nothing and only eating in front of people, then throwing up after they'd left.
This behavior lasted until I was 26 years old. Out of 30 years of my life, 17 of them have been spent hating myself, wishing I would die, and doing irrevocable damage to my body, doing everything I could to rid it of the life-giving fuel called food.
I have kidney problems, stomach ulcers, and bad joints from the toll of starving myself and washing stomach acid over my organs daily. I still obsess over food, eating it, not eating it, having it, looking at it, cooking it.
I still have a list of foods I can't eat, but it's not for the reason you think.
My teeth are so, so damaged. They are discolored, and my lower gums have receded so badly it causes me daily pain. I constantly worry that one day a bottom tooth may pop out because the gums are so receded.
They break all the time. My back molars are almost completely gone with the roots exposed, and now I can't eat anything that isn't soft or liquid. I can't have sugar in any form -- it will spark a debilitating tooth ache that will last for hours. Sometimes it hurts so bad that I've taken to trying to pull them myself, and when I got an abcess that made the roof my mouth swell to the point of tearing skin, I had to use pushpins to pop it and get the pus out. I still have the puncture wounds in the roof of my mouth.
I have amassed around $10,000 in medical debt due to emergency room visits regarding extreme dental pain. This is because I don't have insurance. I can't afford private insurance, and the Affordable Care Act turned out to be not that affordable: I make less than $10,000 a year and I still didn't get approved for subsidies.
Besides the pain, my teeth are ruining my life. I'm afraid to smile, so people judge me as being angry. When I do smile, people start to wonder, "What's her deal?"
I've been asked outright, "So is that meth mouth?" I've been asked, "Have you ever smoked crack?" (The answer is a resounding no to both.)
My two daughters are becoming increasingly embarrassed of my mouth the older they get. They don't want me to come to their school or meet their friends.
I'm struggling to find a job other than the one part time I have now, and even though my resume and references are flawless, I'm highly experienced, and very intelligent, I can't get hired. Not at a desk, not in retail, not even in fast food or waiting tables. Because no one wants to look at my teeth.
I struggled for so long trying to find a peace with myself and my body, but it seems like it'll never come. I just want to wake up and look in the mirror and not hate myself. I just want to be able to have a day without experiencing agonizing pain in my mouth. I want to be able to eat something, anything, without first having to ask myself, "Is this going to hurt? Is it going to break another tooth?" I'm losing weight rapidly because there's so many restrictions on what I can eat, and I can't keep up with the physical demands of my job now. I'm always weak from lack of food.
I need help. I'm a bright woman with a lot of potential and a lot to give back to the world, but I can't right now, because of this thing that's holding me back. Something so small is controlling my entire life, ruining it, and affecting the lives of my children. Please, someone help me.
I'll never be able to break out of the rut I'm in unless I can finally get my teeth repaired. And after 30 years of hating myself, I just want one year where I don't. One year without mouth pain. One year where I can be judged on my personality and who I am as a person rather than these broken shards in my mouth.
I can't keep living like this.
Organizer
Amanda Ranae
Organizer
Raleigh, NC
