Renee's Cancer Treatment

Dear Friends,

My relationship to cancer is changing. I call what I am experiencing now the "un-cancering" process. My most recent scans show marked reduction in the amount of tumors and reduction in the size of the existing lesions. I'm excited to share with you I am feeling better!

As I begin working again, I come to you with a humble heart to ask for your help. Not only am I working teaching yoga and giving massage again, but I'm volunteering and giving back to the Bay Area Community while I'm continuing chemotherapy, taking care of myself, and going to regular weekly doctors visits. Its a lot to juggle but, I'm making my way back to being back on my feet financially. Within the next few months I plan to create a new website where I can build my massage and yoga business again and a new website for modeling and styling.

For the last year I have been receiving help financially from my sister, Rita, and from two wonderful and generous yoga students of mine Ravi and Ana and from the Ethos Yoga Community. Rita offered to help me pay 1/2 of my rent for 6 months and Ravi and Ana matched that for the next 6 months while I was having radiation to my brain and spine. Because of their generosity I was truly able to focus on myself and rebuilding my body. But, now I need to rebuild my ability and presence in the working world. I'm on Social Security, and with the small amount that I'm earning from my yoga classes and massages, my check book fails to meet the balance of my cost of living.

For the next few months, it is my goal to raise $800/ month to sustain myself while I focus on my health and getting back to a place of fortitude. Your help can come from your wallet, but also from making referrals to my Yoga Classes at The Mindful Body, or by referring someone for a massage. I will post my class schedule below so you will know when I'm teaching. I am grateful for any and all support provided. Thank you so much for your generosity, prayers and support.

With Loving Kindness,
Renee

The Mindful Body
2876 California St. @ Broderick
www.themindfulbody.com
Tuesday: Hatha, All Levels, 9:30-11:00am
Wednesday: Yoga for Cancer and Immune Support, 4:30-6:00pm
Thursday: Hatha, All Levels, 9:30-11:00am

Massage by Appointment only.
www.centerforpeacefulhealing.org

Thanks for your help!

On one hand I am so grateful to be in California and on the other, not so much. Living in California, I am at one of the best cancer centers in America. I just happened to work right around the corner from UCSF Mt. Zion Cancer Center, and I would walk by it every day, taking for granted what went on inside. Now I have first hand experience with the incredible doctors there. Living in California has afforded me amazing treatments as long as they’re covered under Medi-Cal, but the things they don’t pay for, don’t come cheap. I still have an outstanding bill at my doctor’s office of about $3,000. And my living costs far surpass the $1000 I receive from Social Security. So, I’m frustrated because I don’t want to leave my great health care in California, but it is very difficult for me to afford the things that I need to support myself. If only I could live off the beauty that the nature provides here I would be extremely wealthy.

I love living in San Francisco, and now that my sister is here, its even better. She has been giving me a lot of support. For the last 6 months my sister, Rita, has been paying for half of my rent. But now her situation has changed and that leaves me with some uncomfortable choices. I’m going to try to minimize my living costs and find a cheaper place to live, but for now, I need your help. Please donate if you can, even if it seems silly to send only $5. A lot of $5 donations add up fast. So skip your morning latté and send your small but mighty donation to someone who could really use your help.

Thank you so much for reading, caring, praying, supporting and loving me. Words cannot capture my gratitude for everything you have done for me.

No More Waiting for Tomorrow to Come
by Renee Heidtman on Sunday, November 6, 2011

When the world gets quiet around me and I have some time by myself, I often find myself wondering just how long I will live. I am so scared that I might die in my sleep, or while standing on an escalator, or while getting out of the bath tub. Will my obituary will be written at age 31? Two years struggling with cancer, really? Is this how I go? And what have I done with my life? I suppose because someone told me that I don't have as much time as other people do, that I obsess about these things.

When I stop to think about day to day struggles we all have, I wish there was an easier way. Most of us work some job, that perhaps we like, but not really. We work that job to pay our bills, to support the family, and do what we like on the weekends. It saddens me that I lived most of my life waiting for my turn, waiting for my opportunity to create art, or to take a trip to Europe, waiting to be married, or to have more money, or for that two week paid vacation. I felt trapped, that I had no control, endlessly frustrated and wondering when my turn would come. It wasn't really until I started practicing yoga that I got more comfortable with a sense of abandon, that I could trust that I would be provided for and that I could start letting go. Letting go of the struggle, of the doubt and fear that I wouldn't have enough. From then on I decided to only take things into my life that were pleasing to my soul. No more working for people who didn't appreciate my creativity or my work ethic. No more waiting for tomorrow to come. Today, I am an ambassador for living for now, because I might not have tomorrow. I save my energy for the things that I enjoy, even if they seem out of reach, because today may be the only day I have to live my dream.

Yesterday I got news from my doctor that I have more tumors in my brain and that the existing tumors that were inactive, are now active again and growing. The treatment that I have been taking at home hasn't been working and my doctor ordered more CT's, MRI's and a new regimen of chemotherapy every week at the hospital. It kinda makes working seem so stupid. Will I spend my precious years, the time that I have left, thinking about how Im going to pay my bills, how Im going to pay for my apartment, and worrying if I will have enough? I dream about all the traveling I wish I would have done before I was chained to having treatment. I dream about my trip to Milan, Paris, and London. I dream about a career in fashion or modeling, the art that I could produce, how my business could flourish, the fabulous home, or the car I could drive. Since Im not dead, and since I know the money will come, I suppose I will live like death is not knocking at my door, and that all of those things are attainable. I'll go to treatment, toss my cookies, and keep my chin up. Today is the day that dreams are made of. I can't give up now, I have so much to live for.