Dear Supporters, Thank you for your recent donations. I have some truly upsetting news to discuss below. I have been recovering from my last infusion and have unfortunately been too sick to post it until this evening.
My best friend, partner, care giver, and all around sweet and kind human being, Drew Denning had a mental breakdown and has been hospitalized at a private hospital in Ft, Lauderdale. He has been in the hospital since I was hooked up to my portable infusion pump at home last Friday.
He's unfortunately, still hospitalized but it was a horrible weekend for us both, since I was attached to a Chemo pump and I was basically unable to help him. What is clear is that he needs to have his anti anxiety, medications and medications for depression adjusted. He also needs to faithfully take them as prescribed in the future.
Drew has had major depression problems for all of the 13 years I have known him. Since he has no friends in FL, I have taken it upon myself to help him and in turn he has helped me. FYI, He lost his job as a IT tech at Morgan Stanley (via a subcontractor) in 2005 when his job was sent to India.
Drew also has serious health (herniated discs, stenosis of the spine, and other serious health problems. In addition, as mentioned above, drew suffers from serious depression.) I finally got Drew into the VA as a Vet a year and three months ago. Up until then he spent all of his savings paying $1,300 per month for an HMO and helping me with our day to day bills.
Though his MD testified he was truly disabled, Drew was turned down three times for disability. It does not seem to matter to the courts in FL, (unless perhaps if you are represented by a highly respected lawyer,) that he cannot work and nobody will hire him.
The last SSDI judge completely humiliated him by saying, that at the least he could work as a toll booth attendant. Needless to say that did not help with his depression or his self esteem.
Drew is a very proud man and even my writing this will upset him. Since I have decided to come clean about his mental breakdown and my financial position, I also felt that I should be completely honest about, the full extent of my problems. I felt that I should also be honest about what Drew has been put through, even though certainly not intentionally by me.
Since it's hard for me to do much of anything after the chemotherapy sessions, Drew helps me with our www.fascinatingeffects.com
website and when we've had some sales, helps with all of the packing etc.
Drew is also is a great comfort to have around, since much of the time I am simply too sick to even answer the phone. I really thought that the weekly psychotherapy session he's been receiving at the VA was working.
Drew is a very private person and I had no idea that he was so seriously depressed recently. (so much for my astute powers of observation) I honestly thought that the therapy at the VA and the medication he was taking were helping him.
Evidently my current treatment, and my current negative financial situation have simply been the final broken straw for Drew's fragile mental state.
I have literally wiped out my savings paying for my medical care and all of the normal day to day expenses such as insurance, gas, food, maintenance etc.
I have been very fortunate that kind friends and acquaintances have donated to this site. These donations have helped me keep going and in return it's helped me to keep Drew going.
Because of this Go Fund Me site, and the kindness of my friends and family, I have been able to remain positive about beating my Cancer. It also allows me to keep making each months ongoing bills and thus survive.
I do have a real estate tax bill due at the end of March and since I've been so sick after each treatment, Drew simply could not see the light or perhaps hope, anymore, and came completely undone. Another part of the reason for drew's nervous (functional disorder) breakdown this last Friday is below.
Evidently, when our car broke down the day of his scheduled psychotherapy appointment at the VA the Tuesday before last, he did not tell me he was also out of his anti anxiety medication. (Had I known we certainly would have taken a cab or asked a neighbor for help.)
Drew incorrectly feels he's been a huge burden to me for years, but he hasn't. He often tells me that I would be better off had I not helped him at all. He's very self effacing and a kind and gentle soul. In truth it's actually Drew who has kept me going since helping him, helps me keep focused and with a strong and focused purpose to survive. Everybody, in my opinion, needs to help each other, or life perhaps really isn't worth living.
Drew has also helped me in more ways than he knows, but all of this stress and watching me suffer, clearly has been too much for his fragile mental state.
As I mentioned above, he was taken to a private hospital in Ft. Lauderdale because there were no beds available at the Miami Veterans Administration Hospital. This is also where his therapist works except for Tuesdays when she works at the local VA near Tamarac where Drew see's her every Tuesday afternoon. She has no way to help Drew at the hospital where he was taken after his breakdown.
It's now almost a full week later and Drew is still at the private hospital and I have no idea when he will be stable enough to come home or be transferred to a VA facility. Since I cannot start the car, I also need to have that fixed and I cannot do that until I feel well enough to have the car towed to my mechanic. I also have been afraid to leave the apartment for too long, just in case they release Drew because he doesn't even have his keys.
Actually the hospital won't tell me when or how but did say it could be with only a few hours notice. Perhaps I am not rational myself, but with my nausea, and weakness my explanation will have to suffice for a rationalization however flimsy.
I pray that I will be able to get the car fixed before next Friday when I am scheduled for more Chemotherapy at The Cleveland Clinic in Weston, Fl. I also need the car to Visit Drew wherever he winds up. FYI, a kind neighbor took me to see Drew this past Sunday. At that time I was able to bring him some clothing and his glasses,but I have not been able to see him since.
For the moment I am simply relying on the kindness of my neighbors for my transportation, since I have no other options. I have walked to pay a few bills but it's all very difficult for me with my aging artificial hip. Unfortunately, there isn't any regular public transportation where I live and taking cabs is simply too expensive for me.
It's actually a long story, but I never imagined that my finances would be devastated by an illness like this. Yes, I've had serious orthopedic medical issues since 1976, but nothing has been as devastating as this Cancer and the brutal treatments and the costs of the care that are used to keep it at bay.
For whatever reason our society doesn't discuss things like the cost of Adult Depends, even the generics are not inexpensive. The cost of other necessities when sick are also endless with any disease and naturally are not covered by any insurance plan.
Previously I mentioned that the acid from my stomach causes my Dental Crowns to come out and how being resourceful, and with the advice of my NYC dentist, I purchased some professional dental cement to re-cement the crowns myself, well the cost of the cement, and prior to that all the temporary cements weren't covered by insurance either. It actually was a very expensive side effect but dental care in FL was unaffordable. Why in this country we don't consider our teeth, or eyes as part of our bodies and why they aren't covered by our medical insurance plans, still eludes me.
When I was younger I thought I lived prudently enough to survive when I could no longer work. What I did not enter into the open ended equation was being attacked by a disease like Canc