Please help me get a doula
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After having 3 of the most traumatic births possible, I am currently 11 weeks pregnant. I want more than anything a peaceful, natural birth for this baby. After struggling for weeks trying to get a hospital to agree to a vba3c, I have finally found a good hospital, but think that having a doula at the birth would really me fulfill my dreams of bringing my baby into the world naturally. The problem is my family can not afford the 450€ ($580) fee. It doesn't seem like a lot, but as a family of 4 on one income we struggle on a monthly basis. I just want to do everything that I can , and appreciate every dollar donated to melp me! The story of my births is below. Thank you.
2002-I was 21 when I got pregnant the first time. I had no idea of birth other than how it is portrayed in the movies. At just past 37 weeks I thought I was in labor and met my midwife at the hospital. She said there was something with the baby's heart rate and she needed to break the waters at 1.5cms to make sure the baby was ok. The water was clear, but she said she needed to use internal monitors on the babies head, which limited me to the bed, instead if the bath like I wanted. The labor stopped, but since she broken the water, she told me that I needed pitocin because the baby needed to be born that day. Little did I know, I was basically being induced at 37 weeks without my informed consent. I begged for pain relief but was denied over and over. At 11am, I was dialated to 9cms, and the midwife told me I needed to push without the urge to finish opening the last bit. I was forced to push for 3 hours, in every position possible without even 5 minutes break, and without food or water (only ice chips) since the evening before. I could hardly even move, and begged for a break. She told me no, it was cesarean time. While finally allowed to rest, while being prepped for the OR, I got the urge to push, but was told by the midwife it was too late, and was wheeled into the OR. The baby was placed with a family in an open adoption. I often wonder if the birth had gone differently, maybe I wouldn't have chosen adoption.
2006- I found out that I was pregnant again. I wanted a natural birth. I thought I was in labor at nearly 38 weeks, and went to the hospital, all while remembering the traumatic birth and thinking it was normal, never realizing I carried that trauma with me. At the hospital, they did an ultrasound and told me the baby was very big and that I would likely go through the labor and not be able to birth him. They told me a cesarean was the best choice. I agreed to it. My son was born at only 5.5lbs, and was taken away, bathed and dressed before I ever saw him. He was like a stranger to me. We struggled with bonding and still have some issues more than 6 years later.
2010- After the first 2 births, I read everything I could on birth and bonding. When I got pregnant again, I wanted a homebirth or atleast a birth in a birth center, but here in Berlin, Germany every midwife said no. I finally found a midwife who I thought was a great fit, and for the pregnancy she was. She said that she would deliver the baby in a local hospital, but at 34 weeks, I was told by the hospital that the only way I would be delivering there was by planned cesarean. The midwife then told me that we could try at the birth center. I thought I was in great hands, I had no idea how terrified she was that I would rupture. On Jan 6th, 2010, 2 days after my due date, I went into labor. I had a scheduled appointment with the midwife that morning at 11am. When I got there, I was 1cm, she sent me out walking for an hour. When I came back I was 2cms. She then had me get in the bath. One thing I remember was that she kept giving me injections of buscopan, just telling me it would help (she was a homebirth midwife and I trusted her), not that it could cause my bladder to not be able to empty, which happened to me. In the bath, I was forced to lay only on my left side. i was not allowed to change positions or even sit up for atleast 3 to 4 hours, and during nearly every contraction she did painful cervical checks. I got to 7cms, but the baby was unable to move lower. At 8pm, we transfered to the hospital for a cesarean. I didn't see my baby for more than an hour and a half. No one held him the first hour and a half of his life. I struggled with severe PPD and PTSD after his birth.
2013- I am now just over 11 weeks pregnant with baby number 4. The baby is due December 29, 2013. I need more than anything a different, peaceful birth. I have never had a naked just born baby placed on my chest, never been able to look deep into their eyes, never experienced those first bonding moments. They have been taken from me. I can never get them back, but I can do better this birth, and I truly believe having a doula at the birth can help me achieve that. Please help. Thank you!
2002-I was 21 when I got pregnant the first time. I had no idea of birth other than how it is portrayed in the movies. At just past 37 weeks I thought I was in labor and met my midwife at the hospital. She said there was something with the baby's heart rate and she needed to break the waters at 1.5cms to make sure the baby was ok. The water was clear, but she said she needed to use internal monitors on the babies head, which limited me to the bed, instead if the bath like I wanted. The labor stopped, but since she broken the water, she told me that I needed pitocin because the baby needed to be born that day. Little did I know, I was basically being induced at 37 weeks without my informed consent. I begged for pain relief but was denied over and over. At 11am, I was dialated to 9cms, and the midwife told me I needed to push without the urge to finish opening the last bit. I was forced to push for 3 hours, in every position possible without even 5 minutes break, and without food or water (only ice chips) since the evening before. I could hardly even move, and begged for a break. She told me no, it was cesarean time. While finally allowed to rest, while being prepped for the OR, I got the urge to push, but was told by the midwife it was too late, and was wheeled into the OR. The baby was placed with a family in an open adoption. I often wonder if the birth had gone differently, maybe I wouldn't have chosen adoption.
2006- I found out that I was pregnant again. I wanted a natural birth. I thought I was in labor at nearly 38 weeks, and went to the hospital, all while remembering the traumatic birth and thinking it was normal, never realizing I carried that trauma with me. At the hospital, they did an ultrasound and told me the baby was very big and that I would likely go through the labor and not be able to birth him. They told me a cesarean was the best choice. I agreed to it. My son was born at only 5.5lbs, and was taken away, bathed and dressed before I ever saw him. He was like a stranger to me. We struggled with bonding and still have some issues more than 6 years later.
2010- After the first 2 births, I read everything I could on birth and bonding. When I got pregnant again, I wanted a homebirth or atleast a birth in a birth center, but here in Berlin, Germany every midwife said no. I finally found a midwife who I thought was a great fit, and for the pregnancy she was. She said that she would deliver the baby in a local hospital, but at 34 weeks, I was told by the hospital that the only way I would be delivering there was by planned cesarean. The midwife then told me that we could try at the birth center. I thought I was in great hands, I had no idea how terrified she was that I would rupture. On Jan 6th, 2010, 2 days after my due date, I went into labor. I had a scheduled appointment with the midwife that morning at 11am. When I got there, I was 1cm, she sent me out walking for an hour. When I came back I was 2cms. She then had me get in the bath. One thing I remember was that she kept giving me injections of buscopan, just telling me it would help (she was a homebirth midwife and I trusted her), not that it could cause my bladder to not be able to empty, which happened to me. In the bath, I was forced to lay only on my left side. i was not allowed to change positions or even sit up for atleast 3 to 4 hours, and during nearly every contraction she did painful cervical checks. I got to 7cms, but the baby was unable to move lower. At 8pm, we transfered to the hospital for a cesarean. I didn't see my baby for more than an hour and a half. No one held him the first hour and a half of his life. I struggled with severe PPD and PTSD after his birth.
2013- I am now just over 11 weeks pregnant with baby number 4. The baby is due December 29, 2013. I need more than anything a different, peaceful birth. I have never had a naked just born baby placed on my chest, never been able to look deep into their eyes, never experienced those first bonding moments. They have been taken from me. I can never get them back, but I can do better this birth, and I truly believe having a doula at the birth can help me achieve that. Please help. Thank you!
Organizer
Nikki Gundlach
Organizer
Berlin
