Broadway and back: A 2nd Chance
Donation protected
Hey I'm Kirsty/Roxy and despite my pride I've decided to do this again. What else can I do? I feel like I've finally been given a 2nd chance to live out my dream of studying at drama school in NYC, flabbergasted is an understatement.
Let me first explain that I have been accepted into study at The New York Conservatory of Dramatic Arts and have been granted a $10,000 over 2 years. A few years before hand I had been accepted in to The American Academy of Dramatic Arts and have to give up my place due to circumstances bounden my control.
Having to walk away from my 1st place was no easy task. I won't say say it was luck to be accepted into another school because I have worked hard and fought for this place and so much harder and with so much more ferocity than I have fought for anything in my life.
Unfortunately, all this passion is not accompanied by an unlimited bank balance and despite my endless nights searching, email, calling and pleading, it would seem that there is no funding available for a 26 year old average achiever on paper, from a average background whose a really just and average person. I work hard, play hard and despite this.... nothing.
It has been my dream for many years to study in New York and to be blunt and honesty due to an unfortunate incident with my ex-partner I had to give this up, which I will explain a little more about later.
Walking away made me hit the bottom, I buried my head as far as I could and when I could not go another further down there was only one way I could go, and that was up.
I'm going to issue a trigger warning here, thank-you all in advance for even reading and hope everyone understand just how much this means to me and in the journey I've been through.
I also want to assure you I'm not needing sympathy or anyone to feel sorry for me, I guess I just want people to see how hard I've fought for the opportunity.
Since this has been out I've had some backlash and negativy thrown my way for being open from my ex-partners new partner. Let me assure everyone again I do not need sympathy and I did not tell anyone, expect my closest friends and family, till December 2015. Why did I choose to? This lady threw a glass at me at me in a venue I adore, that we visit alot and in front mutual friends. People who did not know what had happened, people where confused as to why she had assaulted me? Question had become to come my way, so many lies, so much venom and I felt that it was time to set the record straight. The 2nd time I had to give a statment to the police for an unprovoked assault towards me, I decided not to let myself be victim to this anymore.
If I don't manage to raise enough between this and my own savings to go, I'd like to give the donation to Alzheimer Scotland or to someone in the same position as me, this is not defeat it's more of a back up plan!
I had to right an essay for my application about a signifiant moment in my life and here's what I wrote:
A Significant Smell
After many nights spent soul searching for one significant moment I could deem so life changing it felt worthy to write an essay about, I’ve come to now. I’ve come to a moment that was so easy decided on that each and every other moment I had considered before seemed silly.
Let me start by telling you I’ve always been extremely strong willed, I’m very determined and I’m fiercely passionate about the things I love to the point it’s ferocious. I have always worked hard and fought for the things I think are right and the people I love with all my heart and soul. I’m also a very sensible, level headed and logical person. When I dream, I dream big and my logical brain has always told me that dreams can come true! Nobody tells Kirsty Whyte that she can’t do something until Kirsty Whyte decides she can’t, and that’s not very often! I have faith, I have hope, I have ambition.
As a performer I always say that “performing is in my soul” and I mean this, it’ like I can feel the passion and love for it right to bones.
The past three years seen me almost lose all of this. It seen me almost throw away my dreams, my hard work and that spark that made me so determined felt gone. I felt broke, lost and that fire that’d always guided me in dark times seemed to go out.
I had planned to move New York to study however during the lead up to getting my visa and applying, my partner at the time took it upon himself to scream at me in a street one night, shove me around all because I wanted to go home. Ultimatley I was I was forced to give up my visa and a dream I had been fighting hard to reach since I stared my educational path. Due to him I had to spend 4 nights in a cell, 6 months waiting for the case to go to court and to finally have it dropped because it was very clear that I had done nothing wrong. My start date had also passed, I was not allowed to leave the country and if I had could never have affored to come back then leave again.
During this time my gran, who I have lived with my whole life and I consider my best friend, had been diagnosed with dementia. It’s the kind that had got so far they didn’t, and still don’t know, how long it’ll take for her to forget her own name, let alone mine.
There was a lot of smaller things that happened in this time period and for some time I felt like my world was falling apart piece by piece and there was nothing that I could do to keep it together. I decided that acting and performing was not for me anymore, in all honesty I couldn’t feel like I had having to walk away from my visa ever again, and I’d slowly decided to cut down on all other types of performance and only perform until my contracts had finished. Then, by chance, I received an email for a small well-paid extra part in a TV serious. The email had come from a casting agent who had auditioned me a couple of months before for a show, and although I had not gotten that part for that, thought I’d be perfect for this new part .
The first day I walked onto the set I could smell the theatre. Although it was a film set they always seem to have that same smell of hot plastic and fresh paint, which never makes sense when you’re meant to be in an decaying building or, as in this case a building in the 1800’s. I could feel the warm lights, I could see the technical team hiding in spots so the camera could not see them, and I could hear the sounds that never really fit in to the set laid out before out before you, such as the buzzing of lamp lights while Martin Freeman fights an invisible dragon, the whoosh of aerial rigging while Daniel Radcliff has yet another spell cast on him in some ancient wizarding graveyard , and the bell that tells everyone to be quiet on the set of the comet about to crash into planet Earth before Bruce Willis saves the day, but above all that smell just made me so at ease, so filled with happiness and so comforted. It was like seeing an old friend I’d missed for a very long time.
It was then as I stood dressed in a somewhat "interesting" costume in a freezing cold warehouse watching through the small monitors, seeing directors at work and hearing many of the other extras complain about the long hours, the tedious boring work, the heat, the smell and how they could not be “real actors” because it would be horrible job but it was “going to look great to say I was in this.” I mentally gave myself a slap in the face and thought “Kirsty! What on earth are you doing? Get yourself together and stop feeling sorry for yourself!” At that moment I realised I wanted those long hours, I wanted that musty smell to fill my lungs every single day. This wasn’t boring at all.
From watching the crew re-light the 40 plus candles on set for every single take, to the light that pops on after someone shouts “quiet on set” and casts an eerie glow over the people off set who freeze the minute the that light goes on as one false move can spoil the take and put an extra hour into filming. I wanted it all, and so much more!
I wanted to be actor saying the lines, being the character and doing the same scene 3 days in a row just for that one perfect take! I wanted, and still want, 5 am starts just so I can be put into a wig, I wanted these so-called “boring days” and it was not for the glory of saying “I was an extra in this” I want to be part of creating something, I want to keep the secrets of how we film something and just let people enjoy the things they watch, except my gran, I’ll tell here everything, and as she tells me “it’s alright, I’ll forgot it by tomorrow.”
I want to make an audience laugh, cry, smile, hate me, love me, become utterly delighted and above all keep them entertained. It was then standing on that set, I realised that the flame that had burned so bright and strongly inside of me had never really gone, it just needed a little kindling. It was back, stronger and brighter than ever before and it would never go away, it felt like for the first time in a long time I was home.
So there you have it, a very small but very significant moment that gave me back my lust for theatre and film back! This tiny moment turned me around from walking down a path that I didn’t really want to be on and sent me skipping, dancing and singing down one that I am excited to spend every single moment exploring. As they say “no one said it’d be easy, all they said is that it’d be worth it.” I reached rock bottom, and I have no issues admitting that.
On reflection reaching that low point was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ve come back stronger and that fiery determination has grown brighter and fiercer than ever. At least from hitting rock bottom the only way a person can only go up, and I intend to reach the stars.
Let me first explain that I have been accepted into study at The New York Conservatory of Dramatic Arts and have been granted a $10,000 over 2 years. A few years before hand I had been accepted in to The American Academy of Dramatic Arts and have to give up my place due to circumstances bounden my control.
Having to walk away from my 1st place was no easy task. I won't say say it was luck to be accepted into another school because I have worked hard and fought for this place and so much harder and with so much more ferocity than I have fought for anything in my life.
Unfortunately, all this passion is not accompanied by an unlimited bank balance and despite my endless nights searching, email, calling and pleading, it would seem that there is no funding available for a 26 year old average achiever on paper, from a average background whose a really just and average person. I work hard, play hard and despite this.... nothing.
It has been my dream for many years to study in New York and to be blunt and honesty due to an unfortunate incident with my ex-partner I had to give this up, which I will explain a little more about later.
Walking away made me hit the bottom, I buried my head as far as I could and when I could not go another further down there was only one way I could go, and that was up.
I'm going to issue a trigger warning here, thank-you all in advance for even reading and hope everyone understand just how much this means to me and in the journey I've been through.
I also want to assure you I'm not needing sympathy or anyone to feel sorry for me, I guess I just want people to see how hard I've fought for the opportunity.
Since this has been out I've had some backlash and negativy thrown my way for being open from my ex-partners new partner. Let me assure everyone again I do not need sympathy and I did not tell anyone, expect my closest friends and family, till December 2015. Why did I choose to? This lady threw a glass at me at me in a venue I adore, that we visit alot and in front mutual friends. People who did not know what had happened, people where confused as to why she had assaulted me? Question had become to come my way, so many lies, so much venom and I felt that it was time to set the record straight. The 2nd time I had to give a statment to the police for an unprovoked assault towards me, I decided not to let myself be victim to this anymore.
If I don't manage to raise enough between this and my own savings to go, I'd like to give the donation to Alzheimer Scotland or to someone in the same position as me, this is not defeat it's more of a back up plan!
I had to right an essay for my application about a signifiant moment in my life and here's what I wrote:
A Significant Smell
After many nights spent soul searching for one significant moment I could deem so life changing it felt worthy to write an essay about, I’ve come to now. I’ve come to a moment that was so easy decided on that each and every other moment I had considered before seemed silly.
Let me start by telling you I’ve always been extremely strong willed, I’m very determined and I’m fiercely passionate about the things I love to the point it’s ferocious. I have always worked hard and fought for the things I think are right and the people I love with all my heart and soul. I’m also a very sensible, level headed and logical person. When I dream, I dream big and my logical brain has always told me that dreams can come true! Nobody tells Kirsty Whyte that she can’t do something until Kirsty Whyte decides she can’t, and that’s not very often! I have faith, I have hope, I have ambition.
As a performer I always say that “performing is in my soul” and I mean this, it’ like I can feel the passion and love for it right to bones.
The past three years seen me almost lose all of this. It seen me almost throw away my dreams, my hard work and that spark that made me so determined felt gone. I felt broke, lost and that fire that’d always guided me in dark times seemed to go out.
I had planned to move New York to study however during the lead up to getting my visa and applying, my partner at the time took it upon himself to scream at me in a street one night, shove me around all because I wanted to go home. Ultimatley I was I was forced to give up my visa and a dream I had been fighting hard to reach since I stared my educational path. Due to him I had to spend 4 nights in a cell, 6 months waiting for the case to go to court and to finally have it dropped because it was very clear that I had done nothing wrong. My start date had also passed, I was not allowed to leave the country and if I had could never have affored to come back then leave again.
During this time my gran, who I have lived with my whole life and I consider my best friend, had been diagnosed with dementia. It’s the kind that had got so far they didn’t, and still don’t know, how long it’ll take for her to forget her own name, let alone mine.
There was a lot of smaller things that happened in this time period and for some time I felt like my world was falling apart piece by piece and there was nothing that I could do to keep it together. I decided that acting and performing was not for me anymore, in all honesty I couldn’t feel like I had having to walk away from my visa ever again, and I’d slowly decided to cut down on all other types of performance and only perform until my contracts had finished. Then, by chance, I received an email for a small well-paid extra part in a TV serious. The email had come from a casting agent who had auditioned me a couple of months before for a show, and although I had not gotten that part for that, thought I’d be perfect for this new part .
The first day I walked onto the set I could smell the theatre. Although it was a film set they always seem to have that same smell of hot plastic and fresh paint, which never makes sense when you’re meant to be in an decaying building or, as in this case a building in the 1800’s. I could feel the warm lights, I could see the technical team hiding in spots so the camera could not see them, and I could hear the sounds that never really fit in to the set laid out before out before you, such as the buzzing of lamp lights while Martin Freeman fights an invisible dragon, the whoosh of aerial rigging while Daniel Radcliff has yet another spell cast on him in some ancient wizarding graveyard , and the bell that tells everyone to be quiet on the set of the comet about to crash into planet Earth before Bruce Willis saves the day, but above all that smell just made me so at ease, so filled with happiness and so comforted. It was like seeing an old friend I’d missed for a very long time.
It was then as I stood dressed in a somewhat "interesting" costume in a freezing cold warehouse watching through the small monitors, seeing directors at work and hearing many of the other extras complain about the long hours, the tedious boring work, the heat, the smell and how they could not be “real actors” because it would be horrible job but it was “going to look great to say I was in this.” I mentally gave myself a slap in the face and thought “Kirsty! What on earth are you doing? Get yourself together and stop feeling sorry for yourself!” At that moment I realised I wanted those long hours, I wanted that musty smell to fill my lungs every single day. This wasn’t boring at all.
From watching the crew re-light the 40 plus candles on set for every single take, to the light that pops on after someone shouts “quiet on set” and casts an eerie glow over the people off set who freeze the minute the that light goes on as one false move can spoil the take and put an extra hour into filming. I wanted it all, and so much more!
I wanted to be actor saying the lines, being the character and doing the same scene 3 days in a row just for that one perfect take! I wanted, and still want, 5 am starts just so I can be put into a wig, I wanted these so-called “boring days” and it was not for the glory of saying “I was an extra in this” I want to be part of creating something, I want to keep the secrets of how we film something and just let people enjoy the things they watch, except my gran, I’ll tell here everything, and as she tells me “it’s alright, I’ll forgot it by tomorrow.”
I want to make an audience laugh, cry, smile, hate me, love me, become utterly delighted and above all keep them entertained. It was then standing on that set, I realised that the flame that had burned so bright and strongly inside of me had never really gone, it just needed a little kindling. It was back, stronger and brighter than ever before and it would never go away, it felt like for the first time in a long time I was home.
So there you have it, a very small but very significant moment that gave me back my lust for theatre and film back! This tiny moment turned me around from walking down a path that I didn’t really want to be on and sent me skipping, dancing and singing down one that I am excited to spend every single moment exploring. As they say “no one said it’d be easy, all they said is that it’d be worth it.” I reached rock bottom, and I have no issues admitting that.
On reflection reaching that low point was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ve come back stronger and that fiery determination has grown brighter and fiercer than ever. At least from hitting rock bottom the only way a person can only go up, and I intend to reach the stars.
Organizer
Kirsty Aloysius-SnoopDogg Whyte
Organizer
