First i just want to say thank you so much to my friends and family who have always, always supported me, who have made sure i didn't give up trying, and been there for me through all of this nightmare. Me and my family would have never afforded some of the treatments that have kept me in a better state without you guys.
I haven’t posted many updates about my illness in ages because I didn’t want my health to be the thing that defined me. I put out messages to the world that everything is great and going fine, in the hope that the more i say it, the more it might become true, but the state of my health has been steadily getting worse and worse. It’s coming up to six years now, and i just don’t want it any more. About 2 years ago I was selling my music trying to raise money for medical bills, and made my way to the awesome city of New York to see a world class doctor, and was on some medications which helped loads, but then my health started going downhill again. I stopped asking for money because I hated feeling like a charity case. For a while I was able to live a relatively normal life if i kept on taking expensive supplements and being super strict with what i ate, this summer I was able to go and do the things I love and go busking a bit which was awesome, but i knew deep down things were still far from normal, and I have started getting worse and worse. At the moment my heads in pain, my stomachs in pain, my muscles ache, i feel like i haven’t slept for about a month, my eyesight is blurry, and I’m managing to get up a maximum of a few times a day, to eat and just watching life pass by. I’m just really fed up with it all. I want so much for a normal life, so much to be able to chase my dreams and make music, and see the world, and be able to go on runs and be active without feeling like I’m going to pass out, to be able to eat what i want without feeling like it might make me stay in bed for a week or two solid, I want my body to feel healthy again. I’ve been under the care of NHS for the past 5 years but M.E. is such a misunderstood condition that theres not enough funding in research, and I just haven’t gotten better.
There’s routes that I really want to go down, and private specialist hospitals that I can try that have cured other people, which are on the cutting edge of what M.E. research has to offer, but money is such a limiting factor because i’m not from a rich family at all, and in my current state of health i just can’t make the money. I really hate to ask for money from friends, because it makes me really sad, and really embarrassed to do it. I don’t want to be just known as this sick person, and i hate feeling helpless. But I want to get better so, so much. I really don’t want to be just waiting to die, gradually getting worse, so i’m putting my pride to the side and doing it, because at the moment the only other option is doing nothing.
I hope that people that have met me would know that if i got given the chance to live a normal life like a healthy person, I would make the most of every single second of every day. I wouldn’t waste any of it. I would put every thing into my music and the buzz of entertaining and making other people happy. Also if ever got better I would do everything I can to repay all of you who have beens so fricking amazing through all of this nightmare, that’s a promise! I have my first appointment with a specialist hospital called Breakspear on thursday, initial testing and treatments are costing me and my family about £2,000 which we’ve managed to pull together but projected medical bills could be more than £25,000 which is a crazy amount of money, and more than I can get my head around but I’m taking it one step at a time and racking my brain for ideas on how to make it while i’m trapped here in bed. Im posting a link to a page below where people can give, even just a little bit would help me and my family so much.
Because I don't want this to feel like a charity, every single person who helps me out will get emails with the music that I made when I was well enough to record, there's lots of tracks there, just leave your email address in the comment section and I'll email them over to you ASAP :) If you’ve had tracks emailed over to you before ill make sure you get sent new music that you won’t have heard before. x